The Poetry Corner

                                            back
                                       into a corner
                                   snappish dogs snap
                              protect your heels Achilles
                      comes the master with a sharpish knife
                 come to drain your liquid life
            dribbling  in a sewer
       gasping
oi

Wow! I got an idea!
Let's have a Poetry Contest! I will post the winning poem on the bulletin board at the laundromat.
This is my entry. Easy to beat.

Puttin' Da Stink in Disinctive.

   From the company which also which also brought you, "Oh-klahomah Aromah" comes a new frangrance called "PuttinDaStink". With DNA extracted from the carpentry sweat of fashion icon /carpenter/ blogsation Smoothstar, this new fragance exudes a note of a crisp blue skied winter's day, when the wind howls up the back of your shirt. It also contains actual tears, collected on the winter solstice, shed at two in the afternoon of a day that wouldn't end. There are also secret ingredients.    Imagine the effect, subtle and powerful.  A smell that says, "Wow, something smells weird."
   

Put Yourself In A Trance.

   Todays post will begin with a disclaimer.(Any resemblance to actual scientific facts is purely coincidental. Information is strictly speculative and any use of the practices outlined herein, may or may not achive their stated puposes.)
   Have you ever passed yourself off as an expert in a subject that you really know dead zero about? Here goes. The brain has various brain wave states  that can be induced either by mechanical or bio- mechanical methods. The alpha state, which is essential to mental and physical health, is stimulated by television viewing. The programing on the TV is completely irrelevent to producing these brain waves. After the human mind has been on for aproximately 18 to20 hours and is placed in the presence of a powered TV set, the alpha state begins almost immediately. Not unconcious, but hardly concious. Like warm breezes through the spring willows, or a burbling mountain stream, the TV washes the mind spotless and serene.
   I can't go on . I'm dozing off.
   

We Will Put Our Ships In Order.

  The art and science of boatbuilding is rumored to be the pinnacle of the carpentry trade. The fair curve is it's basis. You look along a curve and it should have neither high or low spots but be fair, sweet to the eye, I guess you could say.
     In actuality, it's not that mysterious. Follow this simple recipe and you could build yourself a boat. It will be fun.

materials
55 Gallon Drum of E-Bond Part A epoxy
55 Gallon Drum of E-Bond Part B epoxy
3,000 board feet of wood
1 Quart of Schlitz malt liquor
tool
15 amp Black and Decker Wildcat Model Grinder

In a large mixing bowl , mix first three materials thoroughly and allow to harden overnight.
Use tool to grind off whatever doesn't look like a boat.
Break quart of Schiltz over the bow and set sail.
Bon Voyage.

What's That Noise?

   Since the dawn of civilization, the cheap electric guitar in the hands of the enthusiastic novice has amazed and confounded the world. A neighbor once, after hearing the few opening notes of Tull's "New Day Yesterday" a few hundred times at full volume, stopped and offered his critique. He including commentary on what a delinquent and bad son I was. After measured consideration, I went and demanded an apology. He was out cleaning his handgun in his motorhome parked in driveway. He admitted to being out of line regarding my relationship with my mother but, begged that I play something else on the guitar. I went on to explore booming power chords and my patented, "Cat In A Bag" solos. (sounds like screeching cat, in a bag, hence the name)
  There's a wig for every head , an ass for every seat and a song in every heart. Sometimes that song may escape and go on a rampage.

Must Have Looks For 2011 !

  Under the big piles of grey snow, the spring fashion season is stirring. From the rivers of slush, and every mud season, comes that yard sale feeling. Avoid the urge to buy anything in sight at a march estate sale. Who among us hasn't spent too much on a busted ass chain saw or a musty hawaian shirt because we haven't been to a yard sale since Halloween?
  This spring I say, and am saying it loud , Madras Plaid ! Shirts, slacks, shorts, sports coats, buy 'em all and wear 'em all at once. Nothing shakes off the winter blahs like clashing plaid.  I love seersucker suits. I'm a 42 long, if you see one, buy it and I'll pay you.  Buy a Tie! Preferably one with a diver diving.
     Don't forget the camo. If spring comes, can deer season be far behind? (Let me remind you again, never wear  the camo just around , even for yard work, Hunting only.)
   Good taste never goes out of style. Tomorrow we'll really talk accessories.

The Stars Are Smooth.

  My neighbor recently reminded me of the Harmonic Convergence in 1987. A fella had asked me to build him a coffin to lie down in on that day. He was, I guess what you might call, a hipneck. He was  follower of a certain Indian mystic, as well as a Neil Diamond fan and  a consumer of a case a day of Meister Brau.(cheap weasel urine beer). We haggled about the price and he decided to just lie down in a hole.
   Here's today's Smoothstar Challenge: Name Your Own Constellation.
Pick out a dozen or so stars, ( you can include your garage light or  planes if you want yours to move) connect the dots and give it a name. I'm calling mine Frogius. Yours can be Gwenyth , Uncle Harry ,Skypal,  whatever. Keep it a secret and ask it for favors.(or post it on Facebook, but then it won't grant your wish.)