WOW! POW! NOW! Interior decorating secrets of the pros.

      Good taste has very little to do with making your home an exciting place to live. Expressing your own personal style means pulling out all the stops and letting your imagination run wild.  Here are the secrets that have been told to me by professional decorators.
1. Large taxidermied heads like moose and elk require  a minimum of twelve foot ceilings.
2. Orange couch...blue floor.
3. Hang stuff from your ceilling.
4. Juxtopose your textures. Chrome with leather. Chrome with shag. Chrome with wooliness.
5. Chromed anything adds shininess.
6. Dart boards aren't just for the rec room anymore.
7. Throw away all magazines and newspapers over a month old.
8. No such thing as too much taxidermy.(You don't necessarliy have to shoot the poor things, buy 'em at yard sales.)
9. Remember, you are adults, and fellas, no motorbikes in the house.
   So let yourself go, but use good judgement. Nothing too pokey.

That Exquisite Hour

     When all seems as it should be. Looking out at an early summer rain through a screen door. A certain favorite song on the stereo. Not a thought in yer head; neither bitter or sweet. Or out past Buffalo headed west, it's road trip dope, nothing but semis and sky and the whine of decent tires.
     The swami can summon that feeling anytime he wants.Why can't we ? Because our minds are clouded. There is a burr under our saddles. Whenever our interior voice keeps repeating, mostly the f word, but also  the old "he said ,she saids". I, for one, like to argue with the invisible man or worry, thus affording myself the opportunity to suffer the same pain many times over.
 This monday morning I'm going to take this short moment and .......
              consider the whipoorwill
              who neither reaps nor sows
              nor packs a lunch
              as the saying goes

(Geez smoothstar what did you have for breakfast?)

Beekeepers. Sorta Like Fishermen.

  The fisherman asks, " Doin any good ? " and  "What are you using?". No matter what you tell him his answer is always the same. "Are you kidding  me? One, you should have been here yesterday and two, unless  you are using the Wombley's Mammer Jammer with the frog finish in the one and three quarter ounce  size, which they no longer make, but I have the world's  remaining supply and I wouldn't give you or sell you one, even if this was the last day of the universe, you might as well  have stayed home."
    When you meet a beekeeper and tell him of your newly started hive, his or her first question will be, "You did  install The Underhanging Snogwogglian device didn't you?"  No matter what you tell him, you either installed  it wrong or if you didn't install one, or never heard of such a thing,  you might as well have poured napalm into your hive.
    If you meet a person who is both a fisherman and a beekeeper  ,dude, you are in the presence of a god on earth.

Planning The Perfect Picnic

   This is more about the perfect cook-out, but that didn't have the alliterative quality.The cook-out dates back to prehistoric times and is our most important human activity. It is what separates us from the beasts. More so than even the spoken or written word, fire and meat bring people together like nothing else.
   For the cave man, those two ingredients (fire meat) were all it took for a successful cook-out. Modern man has developed the pot-luck, so the appetizer, the salad and  the desserts soon followed. Fermentation, brought the hollerin' and eventually , the cops.
    Civilization and suburbanization are wonderful things. Let's not forget our history this summer season. We wear white and sip chablis and smile at one another and chat about the kids and the real estate and the excersise. Not that long ago, we chased that antelope down across the savannah and sent out the call for the jello salad with the mini marshmallows.

Put on Your Party Face.

   It's friday and we are in the middle of party season. Graduations, weddings, retirements, holiday cookouts, this time of year is loaded with social intercourse. Perhaps as young people, these events are ocasions for mass consumption of mind altering substances. Just because hard liquor is offered free, shouldn't necessarily mean you should drink more than a dozen cocktails. Limit yourself to twelve and most serious problems will be avoided. The problem is keeping track. If you are also hitting the stun weeed , make that number, ten.
     Even if your two fisted drinking days are behind you, getting your mind right is still important for social events. If you start out saying, "I'd rather take a hard beating, than go to this stupid wedding", all is lost. Parties are fun. Repeat after me . Parties are fun. Put a smile on you face. Have a plate of deviled eggs in your hands and wade ride in. Talk to people you don't know. If the convesation lags, tell them the hyena story.
 

Let's Go Shopping !

  A wise woman once said, "If it's not half off, it's not on sale."
  Other than tools and fishing gear, guitars and motorbike stuff, we love to shop for women's clothes. Not for my self, but for actual women. We hate shopping for our own clothes. Don't all you guys and gals out there love going out with a girlfriend and buying clothes for her? Of course you do.
    If I am shoppping for myself, I end up with tourquoise jeans and dog fight shirts, because they were so cheap. Just like me. I love browsing through racks of closeout frocks and saying stuff like, "Oo babay this is so you , try it on."
   Every now and then you find a cute little skirt or top or something  and your friend or loved one actually loves it and wears it. Nothing more satisfying . You say to yourself . " Dag,  I got good taste."

Fashion Tips for Teens

  There are no fashion decisions you will make in life as important as what to wear to school.  On any given day,  a poor fashion choice can leave you bloodied and or maladjusted  for life. As a lad I wore a swirling blue floral hawaian shirt with a pair of madras bermuda shorts and high top black chucks to the Bethlehem Junior High; Something an elderly homeless person might wear on the streets of Pompano Beach Florida.  It's a look only someone with my panache can pull off . (or someone so drunk they have lost all pride) I still can rock the plaids like nobody's bidnis.
   Kids, listen carefully to the Smoothstar. There is nothing these logo wearing "popular kids" can say that can harm you. They are dressed like low rent realtors.  Consider the source.
       Make your own fashion rules................      then break them.