Mood Music (part 1)

     We strive for equanimity.  It is defined as, calmness of mind , especially when under stress. Some music may help us achieve that. Other music is more like the soundtrack for your nervous breakdown. Care must be taken when deciding what we listen to.
     I have worked on job sites where there are multiple radios play verying loud music from classic rock stations, contemporary country, as well as two or three Spanish stations, to satisfy both the roofers and the plumbers. Combine that with compressors and nail guns and drilling and pounding and yelling and swearing and next thing you know, folks start getting cranky. As my neighbor would say when we rehearsed our band, "That's not music, that's noise."
  Classical music is not always the best choice either. Sometimes all those violins sawing away can be a bit unnerving if you're not ready for it. I have had moments when Mettalica's  "Kill "em All" was the perfect choice, or James Brown's  "Hot Pants" does the trick. So, buy a three dollar boom box and few boxes of tapes at the next yard sale, and make the choices that lead to equanimity.

Cures baldness and makes for the comeliest bosom....

   Mark Twain once said, "If a man wants to bet you he can make cider come out of your ear, he most likely can". 
     It seems my blog was hacked yesterday by some charlatan offering a bogus cure for hotness. I am coming to the realization that perhaps everything I read on the internet might not be true. There have always been unscrupulous people, but the internet puts them all in one place, all at one time. We live in a golden age of flim flam, when extravagant claims are made at the speed of light. We must all be on our guard. Although I try to make Smoothstar the most up to date and useful source of lifestyle information, you may have to use some critical faculty when evaluating even such a trustworthy source.
  Send today for Smoothstar's patented lie detector, for just twelve monthly installments of ninety nine dollars, you will enjoy the secure feeling of knowing that you will never be lied to again. I'm just kidding, but you see how easy it would be. We all want something impossible.

Cool down. The all natural way.

  Are you hot?  Are you a hot head? Are you overheated? Do you seem to be irresistable to the opposite sex? Do you get extremely aggravated at the smallest things. Are you just plain old drenched in sweat? If you are answering yes to any of these questions, it's about time you cooled down, the all natural way.
   No phony creams or  hormones, no mood altering substances, no ozone destroying mechanical air conditioning, just good old fashioned  "Keep your cool". Look no further.
   Out of all the men and women who have tried Smoothstar's all natural cool down method, only one percent reported it not working for them. Here's a couple of quotes from unsolicited letters.
   "Without nervous tension or that empty feeling , you too can feel cooler almost immediately."
  A seventy year old reports, "I not only have felt cooler but, I have re-gained a desire to live!"

For a free sample, send 18 bucks to
Smoothstar
1855 Melrose Ave., Suite 99
 Los Angeles California 12054

Will You Wear Your Plain Brown Gown?

Twas a merry time when Jenny Wren was young,
So neatly she danced and so sweetly she sung.

   So goes an old Mother Goose rhyme. Cock Robin goes on to offer the fancy clothes and cherry pie and currant wine to win her heart.
   This recalls a time when I was shopping with a young woman of my aquaintance. Attempting to impress her with my impeccable taste , I bought her a pair of capris (also known as clam digger slacks) in a bold red and black check pattern often seen on mens hunting attire ( It helped that they were half off ; Wonder why?). I suggested accessorizing with some black high top chuck taylor all star sneaks. We then went out to lunch. It twas a memorable day. Anyways.....

I'll take your offer kind, cherry pie is very good and so is currant  wine,
But I will wear my plain brown gown and never dress too fine.

What's your point smoothstar? Nothing really, I guess;  just if you are out shopping with your paramour, don't forget to break for lunch.

Smelly Jelly

  There is a product by this name. Why didn't I think of it?  It is some sort on concoction for soaking your catfish bait in. It seems you take some fish chunks and add this stuff to a jar full and stick it in the fridge. Don't put it next to the herring or the pickled pig feet as you might mistake it for a jellied snack food some night after your twenty third beer.
   We are idea people aren't we? How many inventions and product ideas have we had over the years? You know some folks were sitting their row boat one morning and said something like "Lurlene, this vile smelling glop sure do catch them lunker cats. What you put  in dat?" She says ,"That my special smelly jelly, I stew dem fish chunks in cod liver oil , a little garlic and my secret ingredients."
    The rest is history. Bob and Lurlene are living in Beverly Hills. Let's follow through on them dreams.

When was the last time you went to the stock car races?

  Twenty four, modified class, stock cars get the green flag, which means "get going". On the three eighths mile track, they come alive like an angry beast. By the back straight away they are  at close to a hundred and twenty miles an hour, every dude and  a few gals driving as fast as they possibly can. You feel it in your chest like a Metallica bass solo. I like the smell of race fuel.
   I have heard it said that hockey is sorta like cocaine, not everybody likes it but, folks that do, like it a lot. The same can be said for car racing. Guys wil race anything. They race snowmobiles on grass. They race belt sanders in an old sail loft in Boston.
   So get on down to your local dirt track oval some friday night this summer and have a taste. But don't get hooked. If you start knocking the glass out of the family sedan and welding the doors shut and building  it into an enduro car in your garage, you may end up in motorsport rehab.

Where to Ski This Summer

    Some of my moviestar friends have invited me to go skiing with them this summer. We are going to fly around. There will be those  big arching arrows  all over the globe as we go from glaciers in Alaska, down to the Andes in Chile, then over the Pacific to ski in New Zealand. Then a nonstop flight back to Albany. Whew, I'm tired. It's good to go, but it's good to go home.
   Some of you may not realize that south of the equator it is now winter, and I have heard that the toilets actually whirl in the opposite direction. I will be reporting all sorts of  reports about where to stay, the sights and sounds and smells and specific endorsements of where me and my movie star friends go, and what kind of skis we like, and parkas and energy drinks. So please, all you resorts and airlines and ski companies, please contact me here, and send me the plane tickets and stuff, and we'll make this thing happen. Thank you.