What's The Big Deal?

     Another saturday, another saturday of yardsaleing. What do you need? A baby monitor? A nine iron? A sport coat?  A sword? A sombrero? A helmet? An exquisite oil painting. No, you probably don't  "need " anything, but without a meat grinder, making sausage is almost impossible.
    This will be my second week looking for a pitching wedge and a new nine iron. Two weekends ago I passed on a nice, whole set of irons and a golf bag for twenty bucks. I wasn't sure I was going back to golfing in earnest because my arm was so sore from going golfing that morning. The ground was hard and my swing was, let's say, "inaccurate".
  This brings us to that sorry state called yard sale regret. Why didn't I buy that trombone? Not one week later a buddy tells  me he's taking it up. A trombone, sixty bucks. I offer forty and ask him to throw in a pair of binoculars. I was so greedy. I was so stupid. Oh, woe is me!  Why didn't I just give him the sixty bucks?

Preparing For Your Busy Day

   You know tommorrow's gonna be a tough one. You have scheduled enough work and fun for three people. What is the best way to prepare for these monsters we sometimes get ourselves into? You know the sort. They can  start at the crack of dawn with kid stuff or running dates or something and end at 2 am driving back from somewhere with the Red Bull jitters.
    Proper prepartion is the key. If you try to get to bed early, you'll only wake up in the middle of the night ; wide awake and filled with dread. This is where our old friend TV comes in.  It's best to stay up extra late watching TV, when tommorrow may very well kill you. "Why's that Smoothstar?" you might ask. TV is better than sleeping. The wash of alpha waves through your mind soothes and stimulates. Hour after hour of cartoons or any old rubbish will do. When you finally doze off at twoish you will already have a headstart. Your mind will be blank and trouble free.
   Rise and shine.

Do it yourself? Is it time to hire a professional?

     The real Smoothstar will be enjoying a much deserved week long beach retreat in the month of August.  I like others wanted to write some entries here for the promise of some fine quality tube socks knowing with six to eight weeks wait for delivery they would arrive just in time for the first winter snows.

     It is good to get paid for your efforts, but at home when you look at the insurmountable task of jackhammering out a floor and the mental stresses it puts on your loved ones. You start to think, HEY, I'm not getting paid for this, I don't have a permit, and do I really know how to modify the back hall and make it into a bathroom? So you tear into the project anyway, yeah you do, because you are that kind of a guy. and somewhere around mid day... The noise of the jackhammer is making you crazy, so you go down into the basement to play your drums. You have a little crik in your neck so you smoke a little and have a beer or six, but the whiskey bottle is calling you, and then... The door opens and your wife sees the mess, NO, not the debris in the back hall and the dust all over everything in her clean kitchen...YOU!

    A first class professional licensed contractor like Smoothstar right from the start, might just save you money and with Smoothstar you also get a first class tile job. Grief counselors, and psychiatric professionals as your own project progresses might cost you twice what you would have paid to get it done right. All you really get from the shrink is a little brown bottle of prescription medication. Well either way you go, it's a lot cheaper than a divorce attorney.        

Housekeeping Basics

   We are always striving towards gracious living. My motto: "A clean home is it's own reward."  Even if you live alone and entertain infrequently, that is no reason to live in squalor. If you have a domestic partner or live in a family setting, housekeping becomes even more important. We have discussed hiring staff for certain chores, but many of us who cherish our privacy prefer to do our own housework, no matter how rarely.
   If you have been working on your car or doing stuff like demolition, drywall, stone masonry or just gardening, walking in your front door will make a mess. Fellas can urinate out back of the garage but you ladies still have to come inside. Just taking the time to remove your boots can make a world of difference.
  I know I've said some of this stuff before:
1. Throw out the old magazines.
2.Do the re-cycling.(Saving beer cans is not an investment strategy)
3.Do the dishes or use paper plates.
4. Just because you cleaned the toilet , don't mean it's time to move out.
    Don't get a puss on just because you have to spend an hour a month cleaning up. Just do it.

Play The Bass. Be Most Popular.

   The joke goes. The music teacher asks the kid why he didn't show up for his second bass lesson. The kid sez, "I had a gig that night." Playing the bass is cool, especially through a gigundous amp, with a couple of jacked up yahoos in a power trio.
   When I was a stay at home dad, I spent many golden hours playing the stand up bass. I would wear a fez and put on beep bop jazz records and play along, while the kids ransacked the house. If you are considering trying this yourself, don't forget to saute' the onions right before your wife or husband gets home from work.
    A guy gave me some good bass advice once. He said, "Quit breathin' all over it, man." Then he fired me.
   My favorite bass player is Ray Brown. He was Oscar Petersen's bass player and played with all the greats.

Gambling is Usually Fun

  The song goes" A man should never gamble , more than he can afford to lose." We used to play poker most every wednesday night. Whomever won had to buy drinks at the bar for the losers. We engaged  a uke player to entertain while we played. It was friendly. One of our regulars brought a friend who thought he could go easy on the booze, win a bunch of hands and go home. "Not so fast there, Johnny."
   Here's Smoothstar's Rules (sorta like Hoyle only different)
1. Never gamble when the suns out.
2.Don't start giggling when you have a good hand.
3.Don't guzzle that crummy liquor they serve free in casinos.
4.Do pay for your hotel before you go to the casino.
5. Just because a football team hasn't lost in months doesn't mean it won't.
    
* dog racing tips
1. The biggest dog doesn't always win.
2. Bet a dog that pees right before a race, but not everytime.

Follow these simple rules and your next trip to the track, poker table or casino will be a success. As always, good luck. You're gonna need it.

The Man. The Plan. The Tan.

         Our mayor has a hand shake that I have heard refered to as a full meal. He also sports a tan the would be the envy of any New Jersey beach girl. The tan has gotten bad press these last few decades. Like global warming, the tan has benefited from fuzzy science and screaming rhetoric. Lay in the sun for a half an hour and tell me there's plenty of ozone layer or whatever keeps us from being incinerated. The sun is hot hot and has got hotter. You might as well slather yourself in barbeque sauce when you're sunbathing.
    When I was a lad tomato plants didn't grow to seven feet tall. They do now. Corn didn't used to be fifteen feet tall. It is now. That sun blasts down "like a heat lamp gone ape" as the saying goes. The hot sun is nice for solar heating. Stuff grows pretty good. I still work with my shirt off because it is so gosh darn hot. My skin looks like old luggage. Stay out of the sun kids.