What a Houseplant Means.

  We have all probably heard these terms either applied to us or to someone we know: Narcisist, navel-gazer, stuck-up, self-centered, snob, blowhard, buffoon, bootlegger and so forth. These seem like a list of defects we might suffer from when we have a difficult time seeing beyond our own wants and needs. 
    The husbandry of houseplants is not only a gracious addition to our homes, but also a commitment we make to other living things. Not all of us can make the larger commitments to pets, and other human beings, right off the rip. Start with a cactus, hardy and hard to kill , and work your way to more succulent and needy plants.
  You will feel the air improve in your home, as your character blossoms and you begin to care.
  We also have a pet frog. ( Not to be a braggart.)

A Most Delicate Subject.

   There is a suburban mom of my aquaintance whose skills and capabilities I find are particularly impressive. Her personal appearance is especially comely, as is that of her children and, most noticeably, so is that of her home. She also has a high responsibility and high paying career.
   I was at her house the other day and I couldn't help myself, so I asked, " Would you mind if I ask you a personal question?"  She noticeably flinched, but agreed to hear me out.  " Do you have a cleaning lady?" Much relieved  that my question wasn't both  more personal and somehow also more inappropriate, she answered, "No". I then gushed  nervously on and on about how lovely her home was, and clean , and wow, and how do you manage it. It seems she can somehow get her teenage children to clean.Very impressive.
  On a related note, someone asked me a personal question the other day. " Smoothstar, would you rather have the sex relation with a fabulously beautiful movie star or catch a really big fish?" I'll answer that tomorrow.

A Schuss,Then a Boom.

  I gotta go skiing today. That's sorta like,  "I need a new speed boat." We wants lots a stuff. My wife asked if I'd have enough ammo when the weight of it crashed through the floor into the basement. I am not a gun nut. I know the difference between a want and a need.
  I can't belabor this idea this morning. Though I never rush to get to work, I do hurry when theres' fish to catch or deer to kill or snow to ski.
 A wise man said ,    " Don't pray for justice , pray for mercy."
I gotta  be going.

It's About Time.

   I have young friend attending Union College and living in a dormitory. You can be assigned a roomate at college about whom you know nothing.  I visited his dorm and met his roomate. The young man had constructed a craft project clock with a small picture of a nekkid lady at each hour and round the clock face, a ramsom note- like phrase, with pasted together words that asked, ''What Time Tits It?"
   Clever? Perhaps, more juvenile and intentionally offensive, but showing a certain imagination. I also know couple of dopes who dug a hole in the yard, lined it , likewise with photos of nekkid ladies, placed a sheet of  clear plastic lining over the photos,  filled it with water from a garden hose, called it a " Picture Pool",  then built a ten foot tall lifeguard tower overlooking it.
   My mother used to say, " Idle hands are the devil's workshop." 

Too Much Fun.

   ''Is there such a thing as too much fun?" A reader writes.
    My first thought is, "No." This gets us back to, not every idea is a good idea. If you are anything like me, you are most likely, a "Fun Hog". Now, I can't sit back and give advice about what you should and shouldn't be doing. What I thought was fun in 1982 or 1972  for example,  might seem foolhardy in 2011.
   The limited scope of this post cannot address all the do's and don'ts ; I can't know the extent of your previous injuries or the conditions of your probation.
   Here's the yardstick I measure with. I ask the question, "How will it end?" If my answer is, "Only in bitter tears". It's not necessarilly a deal killer but, second thought might be advised.

Who's Your Decorator ?

  Smoothstar, what constitutes a gracious home? This is a question I am asked daily. After warmth and security, freedom from pests, and the obvious, leak-free roofing and plumbing, we turn our attention to home decor.
    I heard a beautiful young woman say once," If the only furniture a guy has is a guitar amp , he ain't boyfriend material."  I have a friend who thought three hundred empty beer cans on a ping pong table in his living room was OK. It's not.
   Let's take a quick look at two great decorators, Pee Wee Herman and Gomez Adams. No, your furniture won't talk and there is such a thing as too much taxidermy.  Do make your home distinctive. Your home should say ,"This is Me!" It should say it boldly,  but avoid a shrill tone.
    Tomorrow, we'll talk colors.

Fan is a three letter word.

   If you love your team with all your heart and  more than your enemies love their team , your team will triumph from the power of your love. This is a fact.
    Time will stand still as your favorite defenseman's  rising slapshot makes it's way, like a laser beam, from the top of the circle into the net. Popcorn flies from your mouth into the lady's hair sitting in front of you as you shout SCORE.  Hockey is not a sport , it is a religion. The arena is it's church.
   On game night  we would plug in a light up Infant of Prague (available at most yard sales in certain neighborhoods),open our shrine and blast  Headhunter by Krokus  on the stereo. The shrine had holy relics like Jacques Lemaire's autograph on a puck and a team photo.
  Give all your love and God will grant you the Cup. Unless, of course, the affliate grabs your best guys.