Great Lures with Great Allure

   Take a look in any tackle box.The old stand bys: The daredevil, The jitterbug, The hula popper, The rebel minnow, to name only a few. Want big fish? Use big lure: The big mac(no relation to the beef patty sandwich),The bomber, The pencil popper,The spot. Then there are  the other lures, which I have heard refered to as, stuff that crawls around on Planet Zork during times of high radation. The fluorescent chartruese spinner baits, gadgets with three or four blades, three colors of  glowing beads with jiggling, wiggling action skirts, I wish they made those skirts for full size women. I'd bite  on that.
   When the action is a little slow, you need to just keep changing your lures. Sooner or later you'll get a bite.   
       Under the surface of any water, there are lunkers. Go get 'em hoss.

Mushrooms Gone Wild

   When is a mushroom not a mushroom? When it's the Deadly Nightshade. A few years back we had a couple of big puffballs come up in the garden. One was the size of a human head . The other was bigger. They grew that big in a couple of days. I picked the one that looked like a big ol' skull; Sliced and sauteed in olive oil with some garlic. I wanted it to speak for itself, so I left off with much other spices. What it said was rather tasteless, but it said it in a watery kind of way.
    When we enter realms of limited experience and expertise we do well to avoid the more deadly pursuits. Something like plumbing, except perhaps high pressure steam lines, is not  likely to kill us. The property damage can be extensive. Wild mushrooming can bring death in moments. Excruciating too. So let's use our best judgement today. "Fun's fun", as my mother used to say.

Recipes and Business Names

    This morning a colleague stopped by.  Martha Stewart and I have been friends since college and attended Woodstock together. We both lived in Seneca hall which, at the time, was something like the last days of Rome. Even in the midst of such turmoil, Ms. Stewarts room was an oasis of gracious living.
     While grilling fresh Boston mackeral  together on a hot plate one sunday afternoon, (I suggested a quick lemon juice marinade, so as to let the fish speak for itself.) we were brainstorming business ideas. She suggested Jupiter Construction with the motto "Our prices are out of this world." I suggested a magazine simply called "Living". She thought that was stupid and suggested a magazine called "Walking Around and Breathing and Doing Stuff."  I thought that was a bit long.
    We went our own ways but, through the magic of Facebook, we reconnected a  a few months ago. When Martha stopped by this morning, I steamed up a whole fish for her in one of those bamboo steamers. We both aggreed that it's kinda funny how life turns out.

Misguided Missles and Bathtub Admirals

    I am not an expert on foreign policy. I am hardly an expert on economics. All the stuff that guvment does is pretty much a mystery to me. Therfore I stick to what I am expert in, which is lifestyle, fashion, personel hygeniene and developement, big game fishing and hunting, low budget car and home repairs and tons of other stuff. I wouldn't have been given this blog job if I wasn't an expert  in these fields. The list, though long, is not endless.
     We all know that the path to love is never smood. I am here to guide you and welcome your letters and questions.This just in.
 
Dear Smoothstar,
      What do you think I should vote for in the coming elections.
Signed
Baffled in New Hampshire

Dear BINH
     I think he really is into you alot, but don't let him put his wandering hands all over you until you are certain he isn't going to just kiss you to be clever. I hope that helps.
   Best wishes
              Smoothstar

Shower Gift? How about a Mackeral.

    We are often invited to shower events; You know the sort of party whereby you bestow a gift on an expectant mother or impending bride. There are also the retirement and graduation parties that also have the potlach aspect to them. Many gifts, like punch bowls, fondue sets or blenders, though useful,  eventually end up yardsaled off. Baby stuff is just that. Cash is often relinquished in quantity and the most appreciated of gifts.
   The potlach originates with the  Nootkas and Tlingits, among other, Tribes of the Pacific Northwest, I believe. To be more in keeping with the traditions handed down from these indigenous peoples, we should give the gift of dried or fresh fish at our next shower event. I like the mackeral, because no fish looks more like a fish than a mackeral. Imagine the looks you'll get when you lay a big ol' fresh mackeral down on the gift table at your next shower.           Just tell 'em, "Smoothstar sent me.".

CHUCKZILLA !! The Final Showdown.

      A woodchuck feeds on a diet of geneticly modified crops. It mutates. It grows to the size of a man. It starts to walk on two legs. It goes to a gun show.  It passes the background check. It buys a large caliber rifle. Thank god , I wake up.
    In past years I have had woodchuck trouble. The brutes can beat any garden fence I have installed. They seem to have grown wary of the live trap. I don't want my garden wiped out in one visit.
     Roast Chuck
1 - 15 to 20 lb chuck -skun out
 rub inside and out with salt and pepper, dredge in flour
In a big mamou skillet , brown that bad boy
Roast in a 425 degree oven for 45 minutes
reduce heat to 350, cover with foil and roast for 3 to 4 hours, basting occasionally
remove foil, raise heat back to 400 degrees and brown nicely
Serve with fresh garden vegtables, organicly grown in your garden.
Say a little prayer.
Eat it.

Wash Your Windows

  Of all the home improvements we undertake, washing our windows might be the most neglected. It isn't sexy like re-modeling your kitchen. We are even more likely to paint the living room. Why do we feel sorta blue. Why do feel we need to build an addition. The house seems small and getting smaller. We live in some sort of film noir world. We live in a dungeon. Our glasses need cleaning ; Our windows need washing.
     How much of our word is seen through glass? Glass, cover with gravy. I have lived in the same house for over ten years . I have never even thought of washing the windows. My mother, god rest her soul, washed the windows or made me do it every spring and fall. Her house had a cheerful vibe.
     If washing your windows doesn't improve your mood. Call me. You probably have some other problems that we might be able to help you with. It is why we are here.