Sunday, October 16, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Deer Season
Deer season opens on saturday. Golly, where does the time go? Like many things in this neck of the woods, the Smoothstar blog will remain undone until Dec. 21st when deer season closes. Thanks for your forbearance and I will let you know how it shook out when I return on the December 22nd. Happy hunting.I gotta go wax my string, so to speak.
best
smoothstar
best
smoothstar
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Una Semana de Aqua
That would be a week of water, to my non-Spanish friends. Who said "Apres' moi, Le deluge." ? After me, the flood. I know I heard it somehwere.( some plumber probably)
OK, we have looked at sailing and plumbing. We have flogged porgy fishing so thoroughly I can't look at another porgy. I kinda like that TV personality, Jennifer Anniston. She's not real glamorous, but seems kinda like the girl next door. She's always shilling for some bottled water company. I used to like Perrier. We used to call it Perrier Duryea Water, after a New York legislator named Perry Duryea. We thought that was pretty clever.
I am working on my boat this week. I like to work on crappy old boats and put them back on the water. They are still crappy old boats. Everyone should have at least one in their yard. Even if they take twenty years to get them back in service, like my current project, it's nice to be able to say, "Maybe I'll work on the boat, this weekend." An old car or motorbike can serve the same purpose.We need these projects. We can't die until they are done.
OK, we have looked at sailing and plumbing. We have flogged porgy fishing so thoroughly I can't look at another porgy. I kinda like that TV personality, Jennifer Anniston. She's not real glamorous, but seems kinda like the girl next door. She's always shilling for some bottled water company. I used to like Perrier. We used to call it Perrier Duryea Water, after a New York legislator named Perry Duryea. We thought that was pretty clever.
I am working on my boat this week. I like to work on crappy old boats and put them back on the water. They are still crappy old boats. Everyone should have at least one in their yard. Even if they take twenty years to get them back in service, like my current project, it's nice to be able to say, "Maybe I'll work on the boat, this weekend." An old car or motorbike can serve the same purpose.We need these projects. We can't die until they are done.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Plumbing Tips for a Tuesday
"There's no grave, like a watery grave." So they say in the plumbing game. Plumbing tests our mettle. It makes men and women of us. So here's a few mysteries of modern plumbing revealed.
1. The Jet Sweat. It's a tool that slides into a pipe to stanch the flow of water so you can slide a ball valve on a supply line and it can be quickly and easily soldered on. The rest of your day is cake. I buy the cheap knock off brands. No monkeying around with shoving bread in a pipe and all that nonsense.
2. The sharpie pen. Make register marks on all your pvc drain lines after you get them together dry. Take it back apart then glue 'em back together. Those little register marks make it so you don't have some gluey contraption that just used up all your fittings and doesn't even resemble plumbing.
3.Forget the propane. Use at least MAPP gas for your torch. Acetylene is even better.(don't burn the house down)
4. One word. Pex. You know what I mean.
So keep a mop and a sponge and a bucket handy. Don't start anything after noon. Don't start drinking beer before you're finished. Good luck. You're gonna need it.
(tomorrow plumbing tips for a wednesday)
1. The Jet Sweat. It's a tool that slides into a pipe to stanch the flow of water so you can slide a ball valve on a supply line and it can be quickly and easily soldered on. The rest of your day is cake. I buy the cheap knock off brands. No monkeying around with shoving bread in a pipe and all that nonsense.
2. The sharpie pen. Make register marks on all your pvc drain lines after you get them together dry. Take it back apart then glue 'em back together. Those little register marks make it so you don't have some gluey contraption that just used up all your fittings and doesn't even resemble plumbing.
3.Forget the propane. Use at least MAPP gas for your torch. Acetylene is even better.(don't burn the house down)
4. One word. Pex. You know what I mean.
So keep a mop and a sponge and a bucket handy. Don't start anything after noon. Don't start drinking beer before you're finished. Good luck. You're gonna need it.
(tomorrow plumbing tips for a wednesday)
Monday, October 10, 2011
Christopher Columbus and the New World
Sailing is sport worth trying. After you have been at sea, sailing towards an unkown destination for a couple of months or even years such as in the cases of Captain Cook or Magellan, you know it's not such a small world after all. How long did it take to sail from New York to San Fransisco, not all that long ago? Around Cape Horn ? Boo yeah, that be character building! Stalled in the Sargasso, nothing but you , a hundred million eels and the sun hammering down on the sheet of iron, anvil like ocean. Yopiks! Even voyages undertaken for a few laughs can turn precarious. A trip across the Hudson can have an uncertain outcome for the unprepared.
Want to be a sailor? Of course you do, but be warned. During the last round the world clipper ship race in nineteen thirty something, ten ships set sail from the Faroe islands . Five were lost with all hands. Three others foundered off the coast of Africa. Only one actually completed the journey losing more than a few of it's crew to disease and accident. They won that race.
Tough sport, not for everyone.
Want to be a sailor? Of course you do, but be warned. During the last round the world clipper ship race in nineteen thirty something, ten ships set sail from the Faroe islands . Five were lost with all hands. Three others foundered off the coast of Africa. Only one actually completed the journey losing more than a few of it's crew to disease and accident. They won that race.
Tough sport, not for everyone.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
If you don't like it......Move!
Morin Wack , a business asssociate of mine, was a great proponent of this philosphy. Often times we find our selves in what might be called transitional neighborhoods. Appartments that were once OK are turning into roach infested hell holes and our once friendly neighbors can no longer be counted on for a cup of flour and our new neighbors are probably selling the stereos out of our cars at some local chop shop. It is time to move.
We wear the rose colored glasses that tell us it ain't so bad. If there is a trail of blood down the sidewalk to the corner bodega where you buy the paper and some smokes, it's time to move , dude. Your apartment is cheap. Man in this neighborhood , life is cheap. Move.
The suburbs aren't for everyone, but I have rarely, make that never, been punched in the face for no real reason in my new neighborhood. Take some of your beer money and put it towards rent. Take a good look around and pretend you are looking at where you live for the first time. Time to move?
We wear the rose colored glasses that tell us it ain't so bad. If there is a trail of blood down the sidewalk to the corner bodega where you buy the paper and some smokes, it's time to move , dude. Your apartment is cheap. Man in this neighborhood , life is cheap. Move.
The suburbs aren't for everyone, but I have rarely, make that never, been punched in the face for no real reason in my new neighborhood. Take some of your beer money and put it towards rent. Take a good look around and pretend you are looking at where you live for the first time. Time to move?
Saturday, October 8, 2011
So the Sun Sets on Senior Week.
What a week it's been. We have covered finance and fitness, sex and romance; heck, I can't rememeber without going back and re-reading the stuff, and who has time for that. We are all getting older, but it seems to mean so much more to our oldsters. The rush of time acclerates as one ages, until the gaping grave seems like a whirlpool, inexcorabley sucking you into it. With little left to lose and little time to lose it, today's modern senior is grabbing for all of life's passions and pleasures with both hands.
So as we recklessly plunge forward , we defy the common wisdom that with age comes wisdom and dignity, but rather give credence to the old saying," There's no fool , like an old fool."
So as we recklessly plunge forward , we defy the common wisdom that with age comes wisdom and dignity, but rather give credence to the old saying," There's no fool , like an old fool."
Friday, October 7, 2011
It's the Golfing Life for Me.
It's like saying" I'm a Bulgarian." or " I'm a Protesant from Ohio." It's not what you do, but who you are. You are a golfer. "I'm a bowler " is another thing that comes close. Some of these pastimes are religions /identities unto themsleves.
Do you leave a glove on your left hand while engaging in the love relation? Admit it. You know you want to. Is there always a ball maker in your pocket? Just in case, you might need to mark your ball in the middle of a wedding or a business meeting. Admit it. Are you tan and very time you try on a shirt or a pair of slacks, is your ability to swing a club your only concern?
Admit it.You don't dream of supermodels or George Clooney, you dream of three hundred yard drives and sixty foot putts that go once around the hole and drop in like an atomic bomb. Boo yeah!
Is it a geezer sport? Yes and no. By a merciful god , the last thing you will do on this earth is sink a birdie putt on the eighteenth hole before grabbing your chest and going face down. In the meanwhile, knock off early and get eighteen in before dark. Or seventeen , play the last hole in the dark.
Do you leave a glove on your left hand while engaging in the love relation? Admit it. You know you want to. Is there always a ball maker in your pocket? Just in case, you might need to mark your ball in the middle of a wedding or a business meeting. Admit it. Are you tan and very time you try on a shirt or a pair of slacks, is your ability to swing a club your only concern?
Admit it.You don't dream of supermodels or George Clooney, you dream of three hundred yard drives and sixty foot putts that go once around the hole and drop in like an atomic bomb. Boo yeah!
Is it a geezer sport? Yes and no. By a merciful god , the last thing you will do on this earth is sink a birdie putt on the eighteenth hole before grabbing your chest and going face down. In the meanwhile, knock off early and get eighteen in before dark. Or seventeen , play the last hole in the dark.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Retired Upstate New York Pipe Fitter Wins Nobel Prize
Since the dawn of civilization the human race has tried to fry a fish fillet and serve it on a stick. Helene Tottenberg of New Baltimore NewYork, was not only the first women in the Plumbers and Steamfitters Local , she is also the first person to get a fish fillet to stay on a stick through the frying and the eating. "It's the secret ingredient in the batter that makes all the difference and the proper species of fish.."
" I can tell you the porgy is the fish to use, but the ingredient must remain a secret." The Nobel Comittee took notice a few years back when Miss Tottenberg almost had it with her perch kabobs.
Mr. Sven of the Nobel Committee in his announcement from Stockholm yesterday said, " Yah, like the corn dog with a fish, yes have we been this excited."
Ms, T. has said her ingredient is a two part substance. I hope she isn't cheatin' and using some sort of epoxy, unless it is a new kind of edible epoxy. Congrats to Ms. Tottenberg , you've done New Baltimore proud.
" I can tell you the porgy is the fish to use, but the ingredient must remain a secret." The Nobel Comittee took notice a few years back when Miss Tottenberg almost had it with her perch kabobs.
Mr. Sven of the Nobel Committee in his announcement from Stockholm yesterday said, " Yah, like the corn dog with a fish, yes have we been this excited."
Ms, T. has said her ingredient is a two part substance. I hope she isn't cheatin' and using some sort of epoxy, unless it is a new kind of edible epoxy. Congrats to Ms. Tottenberg , you've done New Baltimore proud.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Jackin' Deer - Growin' Weed
Ah, the crack of the .22 calber rifle an hour or two after sunset. You know some crafty senior is getting the jump on deer season and filling the freezer with another retirement deer. Today's seniors are more self reliant than ever. Even if a fixed or no income limits your options for golf and winters in Florida, the modern oldster can still mantain a gracious lifestyle. That feeling of independence you get butchering a deer and drinking whiskey out in your shed by lantern light is something money can't buy. For the things money must buy, like lantern gas and whiskey there is always a cash crop. More than one local senior is taking advantage of the ridiculously inflated weed market.
So as the sunsets and the golden glow of our golden years approaches, don't look forward with dread. Look forward with your chin set and your eyes clear. Consider wistfully your misspent youth. Say to yourself , "The hell, this ain't too bad."
So as the sunsets and the golden glow of our golden years approaches, don't look forward with dread. Look forward with your chin set and your eyes clear. Consider wistfully your misspent youth. Say to yourself , "The hell, this ain't too bad."
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Sensational Seniors Trading Cards !
Wow! What a Concept. I thought I'd seen it all with Lives of the Saints Trading Cards, with miracle stats, Saint Sebastian rookey cards and whatnot.
My first batch had Eubie Blake, the veteran piano player and chain smoker, who made the most likely to die list more than anyone. Mother Theresa. Who could beat her for shriveled? Nobody, that's who. The owlish and ancient George Burns. Gar!!! That thing was old! I got a Karen Black rookey card. She's pretty old, but she ain't pretty. She could reach Hall Of Fame status if she keeps making them cheap horror films where she plays the" hag next door". You go girl!
It's a sign of the times and we are just seeing the tip of this ice berg. We are entering the age of Aquarius. Jupiter aligns with Mars. Maybe peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars.
My first batch had Eubie Blake, the veteran piano player and chain smoker, who made the most likely to die list more than anyone. Mother Theresa. Who could beat her for shriveled? Nobody, that's who. The owlish and ancient George Burns. Gar!!! That thing was old! I got a Karen Black rookey card. She's pretty old, but she ain't pretty. She could reach Hall Of Fame status if she keeps making them cheap horror films where she plays the" hag next door". You go girl!
It's a sign of the times and we are just seeing the tip of this ice berg. We are entering the age of Aquarius. Jupiter aligns with Mars. Maybe peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Seniors Riot For Equal Rights
Not content to rock on porches, play bingo and crochet doilies, our seniors are mixing it up in the streets like never before. With nothing to lose, there is little these highly commited oldsters won't do. We are seeing them wade straight into lines of riot police shouting, "Shame on you pig, beating an old Granny!"
I asked a few of these active Seniors what they are fighting for at a recent Redistribute America Movement (R.A.M.) rally that turned violent.. Usually I get something about equal rights and the fair play line, but nine out of ten are saying " Who cares, I just love a good street fight.". It seems they are out for the air and excersize and to lift their spirits.
We will be seeing more and more of these antique anarchists. I suggest not smirking, unless you want a brick in the face.
I asked a few of these active Seniors what they are fighting for at a recent Redistribute America Movement (R.A.M.) rally that turned violent.. Usually I get something about equal rights and the fair play line, but nine out of ten are saying " Who cares, I just love a good street fight.". It seems they are out for the air and excersize and to lift their spirits.
We will be seeing more and more of these antique anarchists. I suggest not smirking, unless you want a brick in the face.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Stay Warm. It's Very Important.
Ask any geezer: "What's your secret to a long and happy life?" Nine times out of ten, you get the "stay warm" answer. The other ten percent will go on and on about the importance of friends and family and good diet and exercise and so on. Then there will be the one in a hundred that says a shot of rye first thing every morning does the trick.
So begins Geezer Week. Our mail bag has been bursting at the seams with questions, comments, and rants and raves from our oldsters. Here's one right off the top.
Hey You,
We heard all about you from Hurwitz's grandson. Now you gonna pretend you no (his spellin') something about growing old graciously. You are nothing but a blowhard and a phony, so up yours. Whatya think of that smartass?
Respectfully Yours,
Gene (the machine) Murray
Dear Mr. Murray
Thanks for your interest, and I love your nick name. Stay warm.
Best,
Smoothstar
So begins Geezer Week. Our mail bag has been bursting at the seams with questions, comments, and rants and raves from our oldsters. Here's one right off the top.
Hey You,
We heard all about you from Hurwitz's grandson. Now you gonna pretend you no (his spellin') something about growing old graciously. You are nothing but a blowhard and a phony, so up yours. Whatya think of that smartass?
Respectfully Yours,
Gene (the machine) Murray
Dear Mr. Murray
Thanks for your interest, and I love your nick name. Stay warm.
Best,
Smoothstar
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Teen Week Wrap-up
As Teen Week draws to a close let's re-cap what we have learned. Teens are at the heart inscrutable. To understand the teen you must be a teen and having been a teen is of no help whatsoever.Teens are just like us, only more so.
Perhaps next week we will move to the other end of the human spectrum and examine the habits, hear the issues and smell the smells of our Seniors. Senior Week will delve deeply into our Senior's deepest secrets as we unlock the vault to our most experienced and entrenched commrades. I know alot of them like golf.
Countdown to deer season: 14 Days. Also our local minor league hockey team, a New Jersey Devils affliliate, has their opener next Saturday as well. There's lots to look forward to.
Perhaps next week we will move to the other end of the human spectrum and examine the habits, hear the issues and smell the smells of our Seniors. Senior Week will delve deeply into our Senior's deepest secrets as we unlock the vault to our most experienced and entrenched commrades. I know alot of them like golf.
Countdown to deer season: 14 Days. Also our local minor league hockey team, a New Jersey Devils affliliate, has their opener next Saturday as well. There's lots to look forward to.
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