Heavy is the head that wears the crown. So goes the old saying. As we prepare to pass the mantel of the Smoothstar on, let's look at what you need to know if you want to enter our pagent (.Entries due on opening day, middle of October sometime)
1. No more than three felony convictions please.
2 .Must be at least twelve years old.
3. The swimsuit and evening wear apsects will be waived for the reclusive.
4.Must be able to write a paragraph or so a day for a year (baring acts of god) on lifestyle topics.
That's about it for the requirements, now for the benefits.
1.Unlimited use of house in Vail*
2.A brand new Cadillac*
3. Keepsies on all comped product.
4. Three pair of dude socks from The Capital Mills Sock Company
* subject to availability
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Readers Poll Results Are In
We had an overwhelming positive response to our readers poll.
1. 33% of our readers are bald or balding
2. The Pirate Position is prefered over the Missionary Position by both men and women by over two to one. Three to one in France.
3. Nearly 100% percent of our readers fish. Excellent!
4. Only one reader reported a near death experience. An electrician who saw 400 volts worth of God.
5.Most all of our readers like to party. That's counting all parties.
That does it until next year. We will continue to serve until the first of the year, when we will elect a new Smoothstar for 2012. We will start taking nominations on opening day of deer season.
( Postings may be sporadic as the power is ripped off the house from the huricane. Reporting from the Delmar library)
1. 33% of our readers are bald or balding
2. The Pirate Position is prefered over the Missionary Position by both men and women by over two to one. Three to one in France.
3. Nearly 100% percent of our readers fish. Excellent!
4. Only one reader reported a near death experience. An electrician who saw 400 volts worth of God.
5.Most all of our readers like to party. That's counting all parties.
That does it until next year. We will continue to serve until the first of the year, when we will elect a new Smoothstar for 2012. We will start taking nominations on opening day of deer season.
( Postings may be sporadic as the power is ripped off the house from the huricane. Reporting from the Delmar library)
Monday, August 29, 2011
Natural Disasters
Guest bloggers here (due to hurricane Irene Smoothstar is unfortunately out of commission)
Sometimes in every one's lives the weather decides that they want to ruin every one's plans for that day. Although the cat in the hat says that we can all have fun that is funny even if the sun is not sunny, the weather can still put a kibosh on your enjoyment. This hurricane for example. I was planning on going on a nice long cruise in my yacht around long island, but then suddenly there was copious amounts of wind and rain. Have you ever tried riding in a yacht on the middle of a hurricane? You shouldn't try it. Unless, of course, you want to drown everyone on board, including yourself.
As porky pig says, that's all folks!
Sometimes in every one's lives the weather decides that they want to ruin every one's plans for that day. Although the cat in the hat says that we can all have fun that is funny even if the sun is not sunny, the weather can still put a kibosh on your enjoyment. This hurricane for example. I was planning on going on a nice long cruise in my yacht around long island, but then suddenly there was copious amounts of wind and rain. Have you ever tried riding in a yacht on the middle of a hurricane? You shouldn't try it. Unless, of course, you want to drown everyone on board, including yourself.
As porky pig says, that's all folks!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Our Annual Reader Survey
1.What is your weekly income?
2.Are you bald, or balding?
3.Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party, or any other Party?
4.Do you know any beekeepers?
5.Do you or any of your aquaintences keep rabbits or other domestic animals for meat or pets?(not counting dogs ,cats)
6.Have you ever had a near death experience where you saw yourself or felt like you were floating over your own body?
7.What do you look for in a romantic partner?
a.lots of money b.good looks c.sense of humor d.nice car e.all of the above
8.Do you fish?
By taking our quick survey we will be better able to serve you with all the latest information for gracious living, good health and fiduciary solvency. Thank you for your interest and support over these last few months. Best
Smoothstar
2.Are you bald, or balding?
3.Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party, or any other Party?
4.Do you know any beekeepers?
5.Do you or any of your aquaintences keep rabbits or other domestic animals for meat or pets?(not counting dogs ,cats)
6.Have you ever had a near death experience where you saw yourself or felt like you were floating over your own body?
7.What do you look for in a romantic partner?
a.lots of money b.good looks c.sense of humor d.nice car e.all of the above
8.Do you fish?
By taking our quick survey we will be better able to serve you with all the latest information for gracious living, good health and fiduciary solvency. Thank you for your interest and support over these last few months. Best
Smoothstar
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Like A Bobby Charles Song
When you have a moment when the mix of the bitter and the sweet is just so. It can happen almost anytime. Anything from the end of the romantic evening when the sun is just starting to crack the horizon and you are walking home on a quiet city street, to waiting in a old pick-up truck for the rain to stop on some windswept job site. It's not just for someone else or only in the movies. It's definitely not only for the young. It's so beautiful you think your heart will just break, but it don't.
You might ask, "Hey Smoothstar, why so wistful this morning?" I just woke up with the old Bobby Charles tune, "The Jealous Kind" running through my head. Don't know why.
You might ask, "Hey Smoothstar, why so wistful this morning?" I just woke up with the old Bobby Charles tune, "The Jealous Kind" running through my head. Don't know why.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Composting for Beginners and How to be a Cornoisseur
Get a big plastic trash can with a lid that will stay on, to avoid raids by critters. Drill some good size holes in the bottom. Put in some busted up twigs. Toss in some clean top soil, also called dirt. Start throwing in your vegetable scraps, potato peels, egg shells ,coffee grounds, etc.(not meat).Keep a good size jug, to collect this stuff, with a lid, in your kitchen and empty that into your compost can every few days or it stinks up the joint. Jam a shovel or a pitch fork(available at any yard sale)in your compost can every few weeks and stir it up a bit. After a few months you have what we call black gold. It peps up your soil, also called dirt.
Fine corn is like fine Art. Don't open a dozen ears for every one you pick or there might be a fight.
Fine corn is like fine Art. Don't open a dozen ears for every one you pick or there might be a fight.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The Hawk
Who wants to be cool? That's kind of a dumb question, you might say; and it is. We all want to be cool. We all want, "Oh that Bob, he so cool", or "That Marylou is the coolest kid in school."
All of you Smoothstar officionadoes already listen to the coolest music, and wear the coolest clothes, have the coolest cars, throw the coolest parties. The list is long. We are entering a windy period. An election is coming, as is a hurricane. When it really starts to blow, I am clueing you in to the coolest thing to say. You don't say, "It's blowing like a _____", fill in the blank. You kind of make a small shuddering sort of gesture and say, "Ooo...The Hawk."
All of you Smoothstar officionadoes already listen to the coolest music, and wear the coolest clothes, have the coolest cars, throw the coolest parties. The list is long. We are entering a windy period. An election is coming, as is a hurricane. When it really starts to blow, I am clueing you in to the coolest thing to say. You don't say, "It's blowing like a _____", fill in the blank. You kind of make a small shuddering sort of gesture and say, "Ooo...The Hawk."
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
You say Scup, I say Porgy. Two names, one great fish.
It's scientific name is Stenomus chrysops. The French call them Pagre commun, the Japanese, Youroppa-madai. I call 'em tasty. Scup is a shortened version of the Narrganset Indian name of Mishi-Kuppi. Porgy is rumored to be also of native American origin, meaning "fertilizer". My Dad called them Porgys, so that's good enough for me.
This August you could catch them all day long right off the beach. I figure on two fish per person when they are about ten inches long.(four, if you are a gourmand)
Porgy fillets ,skined and dry.
Dip in half milk and egg whipped
Roll in a nice bread crumb mix
Deep fry them babies in screamin' hot oil*
Serve with ketchup, hot sauce and tata sauce
*remember to always have a fire extinguisher handy when deep frying
This August you could catch them all day long right off the beach. I figure on two fish per person when they are about ten inches long.(four, if you are a gourmand)
Porgy fillets ,skined and dry.
Dip in half milk and egg whipped
Roll in a nice bread crumb mix
Deep fry them babies in screamin' hot oil*
Serve with ketchup, hot sauce and tata sauce
*remember to always have a fire extinguisher handy when deep frying
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
When is Switzerland , Do As the Swiss Do
I have been told, by a very reliable source, that the Swiss are some of the most affectionate people on earth. If you find yourself in Zurich and are introduced to a genuine Switzerwoman or Switzerman, grasp their hand frimly, pull them close to your chest like they are your homeys and kiss them at least three times. You will make a good impression. They won't be saying those Americans are so cold and stand-offish. They may wiggle about a bit afterwards and check themselves to be sure you haven't lifted their wallets or their watches, but you will have established a nice rapport, right from go.
Next question. Is it OK to bring warm Champagne as a gift to a party host? Check tomorrow's Smoothstar for the answer.
Next question. Is it OK to bring warm Champagne as a gift to a party host? Check tomorrow's Smoothstar for the answer.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Out of Sight and Out of Mind
There is a saying, "What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve." Today, let's look forward. It seems I remember that Eva Peron kept her husband Juan's embalmed corpse hanging around for years after he was dead . Dead Juan was her dining companion and confidant. Not to be judgemental, but it seems unhealthy, not to mention unhygienic. I don't think I'm making this up. I hope not. To quote another old saying. "How can you miss me if I never go away?"
Let's not linger on what is gone, be it our hair, our fortunes, our beautiful misspent youth. What's gone is gone, man. Heck, it's almost deer season; there is always something to look forward to.
Let's not linger on what is gone, be it our hair, our fortunes, our beautiful misspent youth. What's gone is gone, man. Heck, it's almost deer season; there is always something to look forward to.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The Leopard and It's Spots.
In the words of Popeye. "I am what I am and that's all that I am." There is also a lightbulb joke with the punch line that the lightbulb needs to want to change. So today's topic is personal change. The woman's perogative is to change her mind they say, but I'd say that holds true for us all.
Here's my example. I knew a fella who kept a list of them that done him wrong. He spent quite a bit of time contemplating revenge. After a while, he realized that the thoughts in his head were like a slasher movie,running over and over. He asks himself,"Does this constitute thinking?" No Dave, it does not. He asked a friend what might be done and was given these words of wisdom. "Try to make yourself useful, ya dope."
ps. many thanks to our celebrity, substitute bloggers. Great job! Your sox will be arriving in 8 to 10 weeks.
Here's my example. I knew a fella who kept a list of them that done him wrong. He spent quite a bit of time contemplating revenge. After a while, he realized that the thoughts in his head were like a slasher movie,running over and over. He asks himself,"Does this constitute thinking?" No Dave, it does not. He asked a friend what might be done and was given these words of wisdom. "Try to make yourself useful, ya dope."
ps. many thanks to our celebrity, substitute bloggers. Great job! Your sox will be arriving in 8 to 10 weeks.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Money
In Micronesia there was a money stone, huge in proportion, perhaps once a millwheel brought to the far away archipelago as ballast in the hold of a sailing ship or to preform its actual fucntion. A square hole through the center of a massive round stone, the huge stone represented wealth to the native peoples of Ponape. Can't get a loaf of bread with it. It is far too heavy to move, to even roll, and how do you make change? Coins of copper silver and gold date back to man's earliest history. So what are the Micronesians doing without any coinage or currency in the 17th and 18th actually into the 19th and 20th centuries?
I was a millionaire for one day in Venice Italy when I went to the monetary exchange and got over a million Lire for $500. I bought a lot of good times with my million spent it all in three days. At the height of inflation in Brasil my wife tossed me some spending money as she was going out with her aunt and cousins, 500,000 Cruseiros. After buying a pack of cigarettes with my half a million, I did not have enough left over to get a bottle of beer. I thought of the German man in an old black and white news reel rolling a wheelbarrow full of deutsche marks to the market to get a loaf of bread during the great depression.
Fort Knox was once stacked full of gold. I know that because I saw Pussy Galore trying to steal it in GOLDFINGER. One thing people always say is, "You can't take it with you." A lot of people have died trying. I believe counterfieters will get so good at what they do, that in less that twenty years paper money will be so corrupted, you will not be able to see the difference. Governments will scramble to find solutions, but hackers will make, and already do make plastic that passes for your mastercard. Something that truly calms me in these trying times I have known the REAL Smoothstar to say many times in my distant past... "Damn it all. Blow it all." I am not going to get myself a hernia trying to roll a giant millstone into my front yard.
I was a millionaire for one day in Venice Italy when I went to the monetary exchange and got over a million Lire for $500. I bought a lot of good times with my million spent it all in three days. At the height of inflation in Brasil my wife tossed me some spending money as she was going out with her aunt and cousins, 500,000 Cruseiros. After buying a pack of cigarettes with my half a million, I did not have enough left over to get a bottle of beer. I thought of the German man in an old black and white news reel rolling a wheelbarrow full of deutsche marks to the market to get a loaf of bread during the great depression.
Fort Knox was once stacked full of gold. I know that because I saw Pussy Galore trying to steal it in GOLDFINGER. One thing people always say is, "You can't take it with you." A lot of people have died trying. I believe counterfieters will get so good at what they do, that in less that twenty years paper money will be so corrupted, you will not be able to see the difference. Governments will scramble to find solutions, but hackers will make, and already do make plastic that passes for your mastercard. Something that truly calms me in these trying times I have known the REAL Smoothstar to say many times in my distant past... "Damn it all. Blow it all." I am not going to get myself a hernia trying to roll a giant millstone into my front yard.
Airport Security
Flying has never been safer since 911. Not because of enhanced airport security but because of what happened that day.
Remember we used to negotiate with hijackers. After releasing some of their buddies from prison or a suitcase of money they would let everyone go after a few days. Because we knew our best chance of survival was to just sit quietly in our seats and do what they say we did just that.
Now that’s changed. Now they don’t want to negotiate anything, they want to fly the plane into some building. Well who the hell is gonna just sit there and accept that outcome? No one, including whoever is in the cockpit. They won’t be relinquishing control under any circumstance short of death. The passengers won’t put up with that crap either. If you remember the passengers on the last plane on 911 decided to take matters into their own hands and foil the hijackers plans. That will happen every time now.
As a result, hijackers are out of business and our skies are safer because of it. So why do they keep adding more and more safety checks on us? They are looking inside our underwear now and it won’t be long before it is a full body cavity search.
There will never be another 911 in our skies so stop with the enhanced airport security.
Remember we used to negotiate with hijackers. After releasing some of their buddies from prison or a suitcase of money they would let everyone go after a few days. Because we knew our best chance of survival was to just sit quietly in our seats and do what they say we did just that.
Now that’s changed. Now they don’t want to negotiate anything, they want to fly the plane into some building. Well who the hell is gonna just sit there and accept that outcome? No one, including whoever is in the cockpit. They won’t be relinquishing control under any circumstance short of death. The passengers won’t put up with that crap either. If you remember the passengers on the last plane on 911 decided to take matters into their own hands and foil the hijackers plans. That will happen every time now.
As a result, hijackers are out of business and our skies are safer because of it. So why do they keep adding more and more safety checks on us? They are looking inside our underwear now and it won’t be long before it is a full body cavity search.
There will never be another 911 in our skies so stop with the enhanced airport security.
Saturday Morning
Some of us who have the good fortune of having the weekend "free" have an opportunity to relax. Sure there is pressure from your spouse to have a backyard Barb B Que, mow the lawn, clean out all of the $#!T in the garage, or take all of your clothes to Goodwill or The Salvation Army then pack up all the of rest of your junk and just get out! You hate ultimatums, so be ready, have a plan.
Take the pressure off some this Saturday morning by taking your disgruntled other half and the entire family to a farmers market or a street fair. Load them into the car before they are fully awake. Don't worry, the place will be open at the first light of day. Admission is free, unlike Disneyland, and there is an enormous range and variety of color and sensation all around you. Fresh melons, from big striped green rind watermelons with sweet red flesh and dark seeds to cantaloupe with a bright orange middle and a tough textured hide surround you and give off fresh smells, mmmmmmmmmmm coffee. Early fresh sour green Granny Smith apples are in season for those great pies you love to bake. Chard, lettuce, radishes, carrots, some enterprising vendors sell washed and pre-prepared shredded lettuce, carrots, and beets so you can easily make a summer slaw with no work at all
It's not just vegetables and fresh fruits, I bought an aluminum bucket a couple weeks ago with a big black star on it, the logo for Botofogo soccer team. The man who sold it to me engraved the bucket free of charge for my buddy Heraclitos. $20 real and my buddy loves the thing, yeah we had COLD BEERS out of it last weekend. Everything from fresh grilled mystery meat on a stick to pirated dvds, Pass out some fives and tens to the kids and let them run wild, but don't spend more than twenty on fresh produce or another twenty on fresh chicken for the grill or you'll never be able to eat it all. Live good be happy.
Take the pressure off some this Saturday morning by taking your disgruntled other half and the entire family to a farmers market or a street fair. Load them into the car before they are fully awake. Don't worry, the place will be open at the first light of day. Admission is free, unlike Disneyland, and there is an enormous range and variety of color and sensation all around you. Fresh melons, from big striped green rind watermelons with sweet red flesh and dark seeds to cantaloupe with a bright orange middle and a tough textured hide surround you and give off fresh smells, mmmmmmmmmmm coffee. Early fresh sour green Granny Smith apples are in season for those great pies you love to bake. Chard, lettuce, radishes, carrots, some enterprising vendors sell washed and pre-prepared shredded lettuce, carrots, and beets so you can easily make a summer slaw with no work at all
It's not just vegetables and fresh fruits, I bought an aluminum bucket a couple weeks ago with a big black star on it, the logo for Botofogo soccer team. The man who sold it to me engraved the bucket free of charge for my buddy Heraclitos. $20 real and my buddy loves the thing, yeah we had COLD BEERS out of it last weekend. Everything from fresh grilled mystery meat on a stick to pirated dvds, Pass out some fives and tens to the kids and let them run wild, but don't spend more than twenty on fresh produce or another twenty on fresh chicken for the grill or you'll never be able to eat it all. Live good be happy.
Friday, August 19, 2011
BLOGAPALOOZA
After being informed by the real Smoothstar that we would have a "free for all" during his hiatus I envisioned an ultimate cage match of the KaWaZee friends that The Smoothstar attracts with his unique wit and powers of observation. It would be like Wrestlemania with the Shamrocks and the Gracies thrown in to Give Rowdy Roddy Piper and Jimmy "Super Fly" Snooka some more reason to smuggle some coconuts into the ring and give those UFC pretenders a little "What for" with a coconut to the noggin.
We always misbehave when mom goes out, RIGHT? The Golden Boy, Haystacks Calhoun, The Hillbillies and other great iconic performers like Andre The Giant, Hulk Hogan and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine were just like all of us when they were kids. They put on some tube socks Daddy's boxer shorts and tied a T-shirt around their neck like a cape and bounced on the big bed in Mom's room like a trampoline watching her TV throwing their underwear at the screen when the villain appeared.
Wrestling shows like the ones made popular in film by the great Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, take place in Glens Falls, Troy, Albany and Syracuse. I even attended a great wrestling show with Lars Anderson, Jimmy "Super Fly" Snooka, a Samoan, Ricky Magnet and Roy Star at the Andrew's Gym on the big Island of Hawaii. Some of Smoothstar's readers may not know who I really am. Let me tell you this... When the hail of boos and shower of trash was smacking me down as I came to ringside, I stood proud and defiant, because I am, The Great, Bo Bo Brasil! Tired of taking the kids out for a boring evening at the mall to see a crappy movie? Huh? GO! See some real live entertainment. For about the same amount of money as a movie and popcorn you can see Steve Austin break a chair over the back of his opponent whose name ~ was? That's right, who cares? It's fun.
We always misbehave when mom goes out, RIGHT? The Golden Boy, Haystacks Calhoun, The Hillbillies and other great iconic performers like Andre The Giant, Hulk Hogan and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine were just like all of us when they were kids. They put on some tube socks Daddy's boxer shorts and tied a T-shirt around their neck like a cape and bounced on the big bed in Mom's room like a trampoline watching her TV throwing their underwear at the screen when the villain appeared.
Wrestling shows like the ones made popular in film by the great Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, take place in Glens Falls, Troy, Albany and Syracuse. I even attended a great wrestling show with Lars Anderson, Jimmy "Super Fly" Snooka, a Samoan, Ricky Magnet and Roy Star at the Andrew's Gym on the big Island of Hawaii. Some of Smoothstar's readers may not know who I really am. Let me tell you this... When the hail of boos and shower of trash was smacking me down as I came to ringside, I stood proud and defiant, because I am, The Great, Bo Bo Brasil! Tired of taking the kids out for a boring evening at the mall to see a crappy movie? Huh? GO! See some real live entertainment. For about the same amount of money as a movie and popcorn you can see Steve Austin break a chair over the back of his opponent whose name ~ was? That's right, who cares? It's fun.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Taking A Gamble
Anyone who has ever watched a Triple X Rated film (and I imagine some of you probably have) has seen with their own shocked or delighted or amazed eyes the film industry at its worst. The actors deliver their contrived poorly written lines, usually something like "What do you want to do?" or just "aaaaaaaaaaaah" and my personal favorite "How much for the pizza." accompanied by "I am sure we can work something out" in one take, because the footage needs to be saved for a highlight reel of wet explicit action cut together in mind blowing(and other parts too) close-ups. "Things You Would Never Do With Strangers" comes to mind. Oh, I have seen some wild behavior at parties but suffice it to say, the plotless, no romance, no script ____fest Triple X Rated film just lacks something. Do porn stars perform for pizza? Really?
Flip the sides of the coin to Danielle Steele (I hope I spelled her name correctly) and her well written if not somewhat formulated stories. There is a plot, romance, dialogue, flowery description and so on. But just as you think, just maybe, oh yeah... you flip the page because Adrian Collins beautiful wealthy socialite has a button open on her elegant dress and wants to embrace passion, consummate a desire that has burned inside of her since her first seeing this virile embodiment of her animal instincts ... seventy five more pages and she wants to meet for a rendezvous with Rafe in the tower of the old mansion at the cliffs. Her heart pounds as she climbs the stairs for five more pages. She sees the wolfish grin on Rafe's chiseled face. Adrian knows she will do anything to please Rafe abandoning chastity as she slowly ascends the stairs one slow step at a time entranced by Rafe's hard... muscles? Then its like the publisher lost some pages or maybe some high school kid cut the pages out of the book on the shelf before you bought it with his x-acto knife. Oh come on Danielle, Did you run out of ink... GAH?!
Flip the sides of the coin to Danielle Steele (I hope I spelled her name correctly) and her well written if not somewhat formulated stories. There is a plot, romance, dialogue, flowery description and so on. But just as you think, just maybe, oh yeah... you flip the page because Adrian Collins beautiful wealthy socialite has a button open on her elegant dress and wants to embrace passion, consummate a desire that has burned inside of her since her first seeing this virile embodiment of her animal instincts ... seventy five more pages and she wants to meet for a rendezvous with Rafe in the tower of the old mansion at the cliffs. Her heart pounds as she climbs the stairs for five more pages. She sees the wolfish grin on Rafe's chiseled face. Adrian knows she will do anything to please Rafe abandoning chastity as she slowly ascends the stairs one slow step at a time entranced by Rafe's hard... muscles? Then its like the publisher lost some pages or maybe some high school kid cut the pages out of the book on the shelf before you bought it with his x-acto knife. Oh come on Danielle, Did you run out of ink... GAH?!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
You Can measure the Caliber of a Man by his Peanut Gallery
"Think it'll float?", "What kinda charcoal you use?" and other comments come from hangers on and admirers of your work. They run the gamut from "You missed a spot." all the way to serious questions like "WHAT THE HELL IS IT?, "What is that thing?", "Got any glue?" and "What does it do?"
There is a major difference between working for someone else and working for yourself. Here is the difference; People who would never ever bother you while you are doing a drywall job on the neighbors house will hang around for hours losing the points to your Volkswagen and conversations until you just stop what you are doing. DO NOT EVER ask a peanut gallery member for help. They drop little screws and springs down the carburetor of your just finished rebuilt engine in your old 442 then spill paint all over your lawn just for example. DO NOT EVER ask a peanut gallery member for advice. You will get enough advice without asking for more
If you are a backyard inventor or a suburban garage mechanic and not completely sociopathic, then other people will want to talk to you. Observations made by experts of all variety arrive on sunny days, completely unsolicited, sometimes they even bring beer.
There is a major difference between working for someone else and working for yourself. Here is the difference; People who would never ever bother you while you are doing a drywall job on the neighbors house will hang around for hours losing the points to your Volkswagen and conversations until you just stop what you are doing. DO NOT EVER ask a peanut gallery member for help. They drop little screws and springs down the carburetor of your just finished rebuilt engine in your old 442 then spill paint all over your lawn just for example. DO NOT EVER ask a peanut gallery member for advice. You will get enough advice without asking for more
If you are a backyard inventor or a suburban garage mechanic and not completely sociopathic, then other people will want to talk to you. Observations made by experts of all variety arrive on sunny days, completely unsolicited, sometimes they even bring beer.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The Old Routine
Whether it's the three Ss, Your morning cup of Joe, or cleaning your refrigerator of all available beer and pruning your roses during the Super Bowl, even the most unpredictable of us have routines. I like to have a shot or two before a social occasion especially when it is a one year old's birthday party, not so much for my social anxiety disorder, but to help me communicate better with the infant focus there at the party. Habits that we perform habitually all of the time regularly are routines unlike vices that hmmmm yes we do them habitually as well, butt here is argument that some habits are actually vices and vice versa... Hoooey?
When I had a job, Saturday = cleaning day for my wife as I was out of the house working, Sunday = cook-out, Monday, while everyone else went off to work I slept off the mountain of ribs and bottle of tequila(remember, I worked on Saturday) Tuesday, I liked to call in sick, to shop for more ribs, beer and tequila work a few days and so on ~ my routine.
Vice or habit:
1. People watch..... Repeated trips to the beach wearing shades a gold chain and a white plum smuggler.
2. Coffee............................................................. $5 bucks a pop twice a day to the tune of $100 a week.
3. Getting your ears waxed ................. Just do it! The azalea bush growing there scares little children.
4. Walking the dog ................................................................... Some people know what this means.
5. Gardening ......................................................................................... When does it become ridiculous?
6. Video Games Interactive TV and internet ........................................................... You know this one.
7. Philippine massage....................................................................................................
8. Psychotherapy ............................ Therapy for psychos? Who would have thought? How Progressive.
9. Tanning salons................................. For that leathery all over body. Kinda of gives me Chicken skin.
10. Reading Smoothstar...................................... I don't start my day without it. Vice, Routine, or habit?
When I had a job, Saturday = cleaning day for my wife as I was out of the house working, Sunday = cook-out, Monday, while everyone else went off to work I slept off the mountain of ribs and bottle of tequila(remember, I worked on Saturday) Tuesday, I liked to call in sick, to shop for more ribs, beer and tequila work a few days and so on ~ my routine.
Vice or habit:
1. People watch..... Repeated trips to the beach wearing shades a gold chain and a white plum smuggler.
2. Coffee............................................................. $5 bucks a pop twice a day to the tune of $100 a week.
3. Getting your ears waxed ................. Just do it! The azalea bush growing there scares little children.
4. Walking the dog ................................................................... Some people know what this means.
5. Gardening ......................................................................................... When does it become ridiculous?
6. Video Games Interactive TV and internet ........................................................... You know this one.
7. Philippine massage....................................................................................................
8. Psychotherapy ............................ Therapy for psychos? Who would have thought? How Progressive.
9. Tanning salons................................. For that leathery all over body. Kinda of gives me Chicken skin.
10. Reading Smoothstar...................................... I don't start my day without it. Vice, Routine, or habit?
Monday, August 15, 2011
What do you really need?
When traveling off to Afghanistan, Beirut, Burma, Croatia, Somalia, and places I have been employed in my extra curricular endeavors, I am often amazed to see the proliferation of stuff... Rococo, tchotchkes, shiny useless bobble heads, everything from taxidermy aardvarks and armadillos, Bamboo Back scratchers and bright beautiful beads beads to zebra saddles made in Zanzibar. These for the most part are things you do not need unless of course you are friends with Hayden Panettiere and would like to saddle up her zebra. The really good stuff is rare but cheap copies are being mass produced in China as I write this. You name it, they are making it in China.
Many years ago while undercover posing as aluminum siding salesman, Al Kaida, and secretly looking for the remains of Ben Laden after a daisy cutter run in the mountains outside of Kabul, I looked inside of a cave that was in a terrible state of disarray. There scattered all over the cave floor I saw all variety of junk. There was a vintage Kalashiakov model 47 with wooden stocks, an index finger hanging off the trigger. I pocketed the finger to have rubber copies made for novelties and tossed the place. There was a George Bush Bobble head doll, a slinky, and sitting next to a claymore anti-personnel mine was a little rubber Pokey doll... Made in China.
Many years ago while undercover posing as aluminum siding salesman, Al Kaida, and secretly looking for the remains of Ben Laden after a daisy cutter run in the mountains outside of Kabul, I looked inside of a cave that was in a terrible state of disarray. There scattered all over the cave floor I saw all variety of junk. There was a vintage Kalashiakov model 47 with wooden stocks, an index finger hanging off the trigger. I pocketed the finger to have rubber copies made for novelties and tossed the place. There was a George Bush Bobble head doll, a slinky, and sitting next to a claymore anti-personnel mine was a little rubber Pokey doll... Made in China.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Multitasking
Of all of the catchy buzz words that get bandied about "Multitasking" takes the prize for saying a complicated thing in an ununderstandable(mutipurpose compound word for illustraiveistic reasonabilities) manner. Ah, but multitasking, something that your mother always had to do, is in vogue.
The mmwait,gearupforitbecauseit'sallgoingtohitallatoncemmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmore you do, the more you get done, unless you get overwhelmed and burn the casserole and leave the peroxide in your hair too long and the garden hose if floating away all of the myriad of pricey hybrid iris, gladiola, tulip and clammitia bulbs you just planted early this morning in the nice loose expensive loamy soil you bought down at the garden center for twenty bucks a cubic foot but at least the baby is quiet, but you can't find your keys because you were talking on your cellphone when you pushed the garage door opener button and drove in, got out of your car and the baby was crying so you jingled the shiny keys and the baby stopped crying snatching the keys out of your hand.
You do it all by rote, push the garage door opener, don't even need to think about it, lock the car, lock the unlocked kitchen door after you walk in with an armload of perishable groceries, put the casserole in get on the gloves and put the step one of your hair color in, load the washer, feed the cat, You did the early morning chores in your garden but you left the garden hose on dropped off the baby at infant care went to work for nine hours running errands during lunch picking up the dry cleaning locked the baby in the car with the keys in her hand locked yourself out of the house when the door from the kitchen to the garage slammed behind you. You smell the burning casserole or is that your hair? You're locked in your garage because the button for the overhead door is inside. Your husband will be home soon but you can't call him because your cell phone is on the kitchen table. You just want to cry, right?
Has multitasking ever had the effect that the more you tried to do at the same time the less you got done... Well?
The mmwait,gearupforitbecauseit'sallgoingtohitallatoncemmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmore you do, the more you get done, unless you get overwhelmed and burn the casserole and leave the peroxide in your hair too long and the garden hose if floating away all of the myriad of pricey hybrid iris, gladiola, tulip and clammitia bulbs you just planted early this morning in the nice loose expensive loamy soil you bought down at the garden center for twenty bucks a cubic foot but at least the baby is quiet, but you can't find your keys because you were talking on your cellphone when you pushed the garage door opener button and drove in, got out of your car and the baby was crying so you jingled the shiny keys and the baby stopped crying snatching the keys out of your hand.
You do it all by rote, push the garage door opener, don't even need to think about it, lock the car, lock the unlocked kitchen door after you walk in with an armload of perishable groceries, put the casserole in get on the gloves and put the step one of your hair color in, load the washer, feed the cat, You did the early morning chores in your garden but you left the garden hose on dropped off the baby at infant care went to work for nine hours running errands during lunch picking up the dry cleaning locked the baby in the car with the keys in her hand locked yourself out of the house when the door from the kitchen to the garage slammed behind you. You smell the burning casserole or is that your hair? You're locked in your garage because the button for the overhead door is inside. Your husband will be home soon but you can't call him because your cell phone is on the kitchen table. You just want to cry, right?
Has multitasking ever had the effect that the more you tried to do at the same time the less you got done... Well?
Saturday, August 13, 2011
The Recession that didn’t have to be.
We have 9% unemployment.
That means 91% of the people still have jobs.
Most of them are making the same amount as they always did.
The recession is caused by the 9% unemployed not buying anything but also by a large degree of the 91% stopped buying also. These 91% hear recession and they act like sheep and think they also need to stop spending.
Maybe their 401K’s took a hit, but the best thing they could do for that is to start spending again. If I was the President I would encourage these people to simply start spending again.
If they did, the Great Recession would be over.
They could end it today.
Bachelor tips
Maximize your health, good looks and comfort and minimize the time spent cleaning your house, doing your laundry, doing the dishes and washing your truck.
House cleaning 101
First, hack off a huge piece of time by simply dropping your standards. You don’t need the daily routine of Beaver Cleavers’ mom at all if you don’t have anyone come visit you. So get rid of your friends or just don’t invite them over. Of course some will invite themselves but a good trick is get rid of all of your chairs except for the one for yourself. They will soon get tired of standing around and leave and not come back. Your chair should have wheels on it so you can roll it around to wherever you feel like sitting.
You need to keep your kitchen fairly clean on a regular basis or you will get mold and bugs and disease and this will interfere with your good health. I have found the best way to keep up with the dirty dishes is to throw them all away except for one of each thing.
This way you are never confronted with a sink full of dirty dishes. Doing the dishes with only one plate and one fork and one knife is a snap.
Next, keep your toilet clean about once a week. Simply pour in about a quart of bleach and swirl this all around with the toilet brush inside and out. Next fill up cups of hot water and splash it directly on the toilet. Then mop the floor. You’re done for the week.
Next, laundry. Do all your socks and underwear at once. Buy all matching socks so you don’t have to sort them. When they come out of the washer dump them on a flat wire shelf so they will dry. When they are dry, grab them all up together and toss them into wherever you keep that sort of stuff. No need to separate and match anything, no need to hang each individual item on a clothes line or waste money with a dryer.
Finally, once or twice a year get the push broom, a flat shovel and a big trash can out of the garage and sweep out your house. Of course you know, carpets have no place in a professional bachelors house.
Don’t forget to wash the truck once a week. Walk around it and spray water on it, starting at the top and working your way down to the wheels. If it takes more than 3 minutes you are doing it wrong.
Next, reward yourself with a 12 pack of beer, drink it all and then take a nap.
Institute of Beleza
The lifestyle blogger known to me as the duck in my younger days and now the man we all look to for style and diversity, who has brought us everything from marital advice to recipes is winging his way to some secluded island or mobbed beach resort to apply generous slobberings of sun-block on his all too white skin then bask in the sun in that far away place. Beleza.
What is Beleza? Beauty, elegance, satisfaction, tranquility, delicious. On one of my first trips here to Rio I was language challenged, Yeah, I didn't study my little book or listen to the tapes. I knew the basics and figured nobody would want to yak with me anyway, stupid Americano. Hey, I was wrong. Brasillians love Americanos, Gringos... and our culture and carry on at length about Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, George Bush, and Jack Daniels. When the locals hit the buzz words like Kim Kardashian, not understanding anything but, I responded with "BELEZA!" and soon had an unusual banter with many whom I encountered at various get togethers. Institutes of Beleza are springing up all over Brasil. I pass them as I Drive toward the far flung beaches. Learn to appreciate the good life.
So these two Texans are talking:
"Y R M all just sittin there?"
"M R ducks."
"No M arnt."
"C M wangs?"
"O... M R ducks."
What is Beleza? Beauty, elegance, satisfaction, tranquility, delicious. On one of my first trips here to Rio I was language challenged, Yeah, I didn't study my little book or listen to the tapes. I knew the basics and figured nobody would want to yak with me anyway, stupid Americano. Hey, I was wrong. Brasillians love Americanos, Gringos... and our culture and carry on at length about Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, George Bush, and Jack Daniels. When the locals hit the buzz words like Kim Kardashian, not understanding anything but, I responded with "BELEZA!" and soon had an unusual banter with many whom I encountered at various get togethers. Institutes of Beleza are springing up all over Brasil. I pass them as I Drive toward the far flung beaches. Learn to appreciate the good life.
So these two Texans are talking:
"Y R M all just sittin there?"
"M R ducks."
"No M arnt."
"C M wangs?"
"O... M R ducks."
Friday, August 12, 2011
Substitute Bloggers .......Start Your Engines
Dear Substitute Bloggers
I am now on vacation. Thank you for agreeing to jump into the breech for me. We are hoping to hear from many perspectives this coming week. We have a downtown gal, a farflung foreign correspondent, a west coast inventor and bon vivant, I believe we may have a Saratogian. It could be anything. I am certain the quality of this week's postings can only be an improvement and I very much look forward to reading them on my return.
Send me your mailing addresses and I will see that you get your socks.
Best wishes
Smoothstar
I am now on vacation. Thank you for agreeing to jump into the breech for me. We are hoping to hear from many perspectives this coming week. We have a downtown gal, a farflung foreign correspondent, a west coast inventor and bon vivant, I believe we may have a Saratogian. It could be anything. I am certain the quality of this week's postings can only be an improvement and I very much look forward to reading them on my return.
Send me your mailing addresses and I will see that you get your socks.
Best wishes
Smoothstar
Hollywood's Best Kept Bar-Be-Cue Secrets
I was hanging out recently with some of my A-list movie star friends. Meryl was pitching some ideas to me while forking marinated baby back ribs on to the old "Little Smokey". She had this idea about this fancy lady with lots of dough, living in the Berkshires, who befreinds this broke down old carpenter that's doing a job for her and she takes him to the opera and gets him a decent haircut and one of those nice Hugo Boss suits. She teaches him nice manners, like in My Fair Lady, and gets him to quit telling these crude and pointless stories, peppered with multi-syllabic swear words.
I asked what sort of marinade she liked. She gave me the recipe.
2 Tblsp olive oil Saute' the onion, add the minced garlic, but don't fry the piss out
1 vidalia onion, chopped very fine of it( her words , not mine),deglaze the pan with the beer. Add
3 cloves minced garlic ketchup, whatsthishere sauce and rest of the beer.Bring to a boil.
big squirt of ketchup Soak your ribs for twenty minutes or so and keep basting with
hefty shot of worchetshire sauce your secret sauce. Slow cook 'em, don't incinerate 'em.
can of beer (her words)
I asked what sort of marinade she liked. She gave me the recipe.
2 Tblsp olive oil Saute' the onion, add the minced garlic, but don't fry the piss out
1 vidalia onion, chopped very fine of it( her words , not mine),deglaze the pan with the beer. Add
3 cloves minced garlic ketchup, whatsthishere sauce and rest of the beer.Bring to a boil.
big squirt of ketchup Soak your ribs for twenty minutes or so and keep basting with
hefty shot of worchetshire sauce your secret sauce. Slow cook 'em, don't incinerate 'em.
can of beer (her words)
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The Captain and the Crew
" For the captain it's a swell boat. For the crew it's a hell boat." That was an inscription scrawled in the pilot house of a head boat down in the Gulf. We were fishing for reds and the water was dead flat and the sun blasted down. Most of the customers were drunk or hungover and surly. The fishing was slow. The crew tried to remain positive but I thought they might gut a few of these rednecks and heave 'em overboard.
If I have learned anything over the years, it is to lower my expectations. Certain activities such as fishing and gambling, attending the theater, reallly just about everything, cooking, gardening, golf, the list is endless, are fraught with danger and promise mixed results, if not out right disaster. If you make it through dinner without being poisoned, aren't you really a winner?
So as you are hacking your way through a dismal round of golf, be of good cheer brothers and sisters, it's golf , it's not plumbing.
If I have learned anything over the years, it is to lower my expectations. Certain activities such as fishing and gambling, attending the theater, reallly just about everything, cooking, gardening, golf, the list is endless, are fraught with danger and promise mixed results, if not out right disaster. If you make it through dinner without being poisoned, aren't you really a winner?
So as you are hacking your way through a dismal round of golf, be of good cheer brothers and sisters, it's golf , it's not plumbing.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
What To Do With All That Money
The day has finally arrived. You have hit the jackpot! You knew it would happen sooner or later.You have gotten into a jackpot before; that's different. Now, let's say, you are stinking, filthy rich. Good job. Now what?
Today, lets have a quick look at wealth management. If you have signed with an NHL team, buy an Italian suit and get a good haircut. There's all the nuts and bolts of big money, like stock portfolios and tax shelters and off shore accounts. That's sorta like work.
If you have sold your novels to Hollywood, buy a Ferrari and a mansion in Beverly Hills. If your blog gets turned into a long running TV show, I'll be buying a couple of my neighbor's houses and a buldozer, just for a little breathing room.
Once the dust settles, and you get used to your new found riches, making your monster movie might be in order.
Today, lets have a quick look at wealth management. If you have signed with an NHL team, buy an Italian suit and get a good haircut. There's all the nuts and bolts of big money, like stock portfolios and tax shelters and off shore accounts. That's sorta like work.
If you have sold your novels to Hollywood, buy a Ferrari and a mansion in Beverly Hills. If your blog gets turned into a long running TV show, I'll be buying a couple of my neighbor's houses and a buldozer, just for a little breathing room.
Once the dust settles, and you get used to your new found riches, making your monster movie might be in order.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Just The Facts M'am.
Our friends, Stephanie and Katie (not their real names) are our sources for amazing facts. With completely straight faces,"out of nowhere, appropos of nothing" as the song goes, they blurt out these most amazing facts. You're at a dinner party making small talk. "Caraway seeds are good for your prostate."
"Really, Stepahanie? I didn't know that."
Or how about this one. "Rats can smell cancer." I didn't catch the part where we were talking about rats, caraway seeds, prostates or cancer.
" Giant pumpkins can gain fifty pounds over night. They can explode."
Often when you have the time to look into these amazing statements they turn out to be true. You can use the Internet to find out a lot of stuff. Make sure you are using trusted sources, like this blog here, when checking your facts. Most, but not all , of what you read on the Internet is true.
"Really, Stepahanie? I didn't know that."
Or how about this one. "Rats can smell cancer." I didn't catch the part where we were talking about rats, caraway seeds, prostates or cancer.
" Giant pumpkins can gain fifty pounds over night. They can explode."
Often when you have the time to look into these amazing statements they turn out to be true. You can use the Internet to find out a lot of stuff. Make sure you are using trusted sources, like this blog here, when checking your facts. Most, but not all , of what you read on the Internet is true.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Taking Up A Collection
What's it going to be? Comic books, stamps, coins, guns, fire engines, boulders? Most everybody, sooner or later, starts to be a collector of some thing. It brings order they say. It starts out with one of something, I guess.
The first record album I ever bought was Disreli Gears by Cream. I bought it at Alexanders in Manhattan. My brother bought Jimi Hendrix Smash Hits the same day. We had 45s, and my brother already had Beatles records and I listened to my dad's Clancy Brothers and Kingston Trio. These were the first real rock. I have strayed from the rock over the years. I have thousands of records. Jazz ,blues, country, on and on. All genres. I'm not hardcore. I don't know what Chet Baker had for lunch the day he recorded My Funny Valentine.
When you start to have records you haven't listened to or guns you haven't fired, you have become a collector. I have to try out that riot gun I bought a few years back. I think I'll use it on a Seals and Croft album.
The first record album I ever bought was Disreli Gears by Cream. I bought it at Alexanders in Manhattan. My brother bought Jimi Hendrix Smash Hits the same day. We had 45s, and my brother already had Beatles records and I listened to my dad's Clancy Brothers and Kingston Trio. These were the first real rock. I have strayed from the rock over the years. I have thousands of records. Jazz ,blues, country, on and on. All genres. I'm not hardcore. I don't know what Chet Baker had for lunch the day he recorded My Funny Valentine.
When you start to have records you haven't listened to or guns you haven't fired, you have become a collector. I have to try out that riot gun I bought a few years back. I think I'll use it on a Seals and Croft album.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
How to dig a hole with a back hoe and the three best hotels in Monte Carlo.
We have a lot to cover this morning. There are some controls in the cab that make the machine move forward and reverse and other controls that move the arm and other controls that make the bucket do that scooping , digging sort of motion. Although I've never been in the cab of a back hoe, I prefer the track mounted type because the cab swings around and you can dig around three hundred and sixty five degrees. You could dig a circular trench with you in the machine in the middle. Then you go get your crane and pluck the hoe off the plateau in the middle. Then you call the cement company and fill the bottom of the trench with concrete. Once that hardens you can start building a tower. I know a guy that can make concrete blocks, so that you can lay up curved walls.
Tommorrow: How to lay concrete block.
The three best hotels in MC (as we call it ). The Red Roof . The Holiday, and my fave, The Ritz, baby.
Tommorrow: How to lay concrete block.
The three best hotels in MC (as we call it ). The Red Roof . The Holiday, and my fave, The Ritz, baby.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
What's The Big Deal?
Another saturday, another saturday of yardsaleing. What do you need? A baby monitor? A nine iron? A sport coat? A sword? A sombrero? A helmet? An exquisite oil painting. No, you probably don't "need " anything, but without a meat grinder, making sausage is almost impossible.
This will be my second week looking for a pitching wedge and a new nine iron. Two weekends ago I passed on a nice, whole set of irons and a golf bag for twenty bucks. I wasn't sure I was going back to golfing in earnest because my arm was so sore from going golfing that morning. The ground was hard and my swing was, let's say, "inaccurate".
This brings us to that sorry state called yard sale regret. Why didn't I buy that trombone? Not one week later a buddy tells me he's taking it up. A trombone, sixty bucks. I offer forty and ask him to throw in a pair of binoculars. I was so greedy. I was so stupid. Oh, woe is me! Why didn't I just give him the sixty bucks?
This will be my second week looking for a pitching wedge and a new nine iron. Two weekends ago I passed on a nice, whole set of irons and a golf bag for twenty bucks. I wasn't sure I was going back to golfing in earnest because my arm was so sore from going golfing that morning. The ground was hard and my swing was, let's say, "inaccurate".
This brings us to that sorry state called yard sale regret. Why didn't I buy that trombone? Not one week later a buddy tells me he's taking it up. A trombone, sixty bucks. I offer forty and ask him to throw in a pair of binoculars. I was so greedy. I was so stupid. Oh, woe is me! Why didn't I just give him the sixty bucks?
Friday, August 5, 2011
Preparing For Your Busy Day
You know tommorrow's gonna be a tough one. You have scheduled enough work and fun for three people. What is the best way to prepare for these monsters we sometimes get ourselves into? You know the sort. They can start at the crack of dawn with kid stuff or running dates or something and end at 2 am driving back from somewhere with the Red Bull jitters.
Proper prepartion is the key. If you try to get to bed early, you'll only wake up in the middle of the night ; wide awake and filled with dread. This is where our old friend TV comes in. It's best to stay up extra late watching TV, when tommorrow may very well kill you. "Why's that Smoothstar?" you might ask. TV is better than sleeping. The wash of alpha waves through your mind soothes and stimulates. Hour after hour of cartoons or any old rubbish will do. When you finally doze off at twoish you will already have a headstart. Your mind will be blank and trouble free.
Rise and shine.
Proper prepartion is the key. If you try to get to bed early, you'll only wake up in the middle of the night ; wide awake and filled with dread. This is where our old friend TV comes in. It's best to stay up extra late watching TV, when tommorrow may very well kill you. "Why's that Smoothstar?" you might ask. TV is better than sleeping. The wash of alpha waves through your mind soothes and stimulates. Hour after hour of cartoons or any old rubbish will do. When you finally doze off at twoish you will already have a headstart. Your mind will be blank and trouble free.
Rise and shine.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Do it yourself? Is it time to hire a professional?
The real Smoothstar will be enjoying a much deserved week long beach retreat in the month of August. I like others wanted to write some entries here for the promise of some fine quality tube socks knowing with six to eight weeks wait for delivery they would arrive just in time for the first winter snows.
It is good to get paid for your efforts, but at home when you look at the insurmountable task of jackhammering out a floor and the mental stresses it puts on your loved ones. You start to think, HEY, I'm not getting paid for this, I don't have a permit, and do I really know how to modify the back hall and make it into a bathroom? So you tear into the project anyway, yeah you do, because you are that kind of a guy. and somewhere around mid day... The noise of the jackhammer is making you crazy, so you go down into the basement to play your drums. You have a little crik in your neck so you smoke a little and have a beer or six, but the whiskey bottle is calling you, and then... The door opens and your wife sees the mess, NO, not the debris in the back hall and the dust all over everything in her clean kitchen...YOU!
A first class professional licensed contractor like Smoothstar right from the start, might just save you money and with Smoothstar you also get a first class tile job. Grief counselors, and psychiatric professionals as your own project progresses might cost you twice what you would have paid to get it done right. All you really get from the shrink is a little brown bottle of prescription medication. Well either way you go, it's a lot cheaper than a divorce attorney.
It is good to get paid for your efforts, but at home when you look at the insurmountable task of jackhammering out a floor and the mental stresses it puts on your loved ones. You start to think, HEY, I'm not getting paid for this, I don't have a permit, and do I really know how to modify the back hall and make it into a bathroom? So you tear into the project anyway, yeah you do, because you are that kind of a guy. and somewhere around mid day... The noise of the jackhammer is making you crazy, so you go down into the basement to play your drums. You have a little crik in your neck so you smoke a little and have a beer or six, but the whiskey bottle is calling you, and then... The door opens and your wife sees the mess, NO, not the debris in the back hall and the dust all over everything in her clean kitchen...YOU!
A first class professional licensed contractor like Smoothstar right from the start, might just save you money and with Smoothstar you also get a first class tile job. Grief counselors, and psychiatric professionals as your own project progresses might cost you twice what you would have paid to get it done right. All you really get from the shrink is a little brown bottle of prescription medication. Well either way you go, it's a lot cheaper than a divorce attorney.
Housekeeping Basics
We are always striving towards gracious living. My motto: "A clean home is it's own reward." Even if you live alone and entertain infrequently, that is no reason to live in squalor. If you have a domestic partner or live in a family setting, housekeping becomes even more important. We have discussed hiring staff for certain chores, but many of us who cherish our privacy prefer to do our own housework, no matter how rarely.
If you have been working on your car or doing stuff like demolition, drywall, stone masonry or just gardening, walking in your front door will make a mess. Fellas can urinate out back of the garage but you ladies still have to come inside. Just taking the time to remove your boots can make a world of difference.
I know I've said some of this stuff before:
1. Throw out the old magazines.
2.Do the re-cycling.(Saving beer cans is not an investment strategy)
3.Do the dishes or use paper plates.
4. Just because you cleaned the toilet , don't mean it's time to move out.
Don't get a puss on just because you have to spend an hour a month cleaning up. Just do it.
If you have been working on your car or doing stuff like demolition, drywall, stone masonry or just gardening, walking in your front door will make a mess. Fellas can urinate out back of the garage but you ladies still have to come inside. Just taking the time to remove your boots can make a world of difference.
I know I've said some of this stuff before:
1. Throw out the old magazines.
2.Do the re-cycling.(Saving beer cans is not an investment strategy)
3.Do the dishes or use paper plates.
4. Just because you cleaned the toilet , don't mean it's time to move out.
Don't get a puss on just because you have to spend an hour a month cleaning up. Just do it.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Play The Bass. Be Most Popular.
The joke goes. The music teacher asks the kid why he didn't show up for his second bass lesson. The kid sez, "I had a gig that night." Playing the bass is cool, especially through a gigundous amp, with a couple of jacked up yahoos in a power trio.
When I was a stay at home dad, I spent many golden hours playing the stand up bass. I would wear a fez and put on beep bop jazz records and play along, while the kids ransacked the house. If you are considering trying this yourself, don't forget to saute' the onions right before your wife or husband gets home from work.
A guy gave me some good bass advice once. He said, "Quit breathin' all over it, man." Then he fired me.
My favorite bass player is Ray Brown. He was Oscar Petersen's bass player and played with all the greats.
When I was a stay at home dad, I spent many golden hours playing the stand up bass. I would wear a fez and put on beep bop jazz records and play along, while the kids ransacked the house. If you are considering trying this yourself, don't forget to saute' the onions right before your wife or husband gets home from work.
A guy gave me some good bass advice once. He said, "Quit breathin' all over it, man." Then he fired me.
My favorite bass player is Ray Brown. He was Oscar Petersen's bass player and played with all the greats.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Gambling is Usually Fun
The song goes" A man should never gamble , more than he can afford to lose." We used to play poker most every wednesday night. Whomever won had to buy drinks at the bar for the losers. We engaged a uke player to entertain while we played. It was friendly. One of our regulars brought a friend who thought he could go easy on the booze, win a bunch of hands and go home. "Not so fast there, Johnny."
Here's Smoothstar's Rules (sorta like Hoyle only different)
1. Never gamble when the suns out.
2.Don't start giggling when you have a good hand.
3.Don't guzzle that crummy liquor they serve free in casinos.
4.Do pay for your hotel before you go to the casino.
5. Just because a football team hasn't lost in months doesn't mean it won't.
* dog racing tips
1. The biggest dog doesn't always win.
2. Bet a dog that pees right before a race, but not everytime.
Follow these simple rules and your next trip to the track, poker table or casino will be a success. As always, good luck. You're gonna need it.
Here's Smoothstar's Rules (sorta like Hoyle only different)
1. Never gamble when the suns out.
2.Don't start giggling when you have a good hand.
3.Don't guzzle that crummy liquor they serve free in casinos.
4.Do pay for your hotel before you go to the casino.
5. Just because a football team hasn't lost in months doesn't mean it won't.
* dog racing tips
1. The biggest dog doesn't always win.
2. Bet a dog that pees right before a race, but not everytime.
Follow these simple rules and your next trip to the track, poker table or casino will be a success. As always, good luck. You're gonna need it.
Monday, August 1, 2011
The Man. The Plan. The Tan.
Our mayor has a hand shake that I have heard refered to as a full meal. He also sports a tan the would be the envy of any New Jersey beach girl. The tan has gotten bad press these last few decades. Like global warming, the tan has benefited from fuzzy science and screaming rhetoric. Lay in the sun for a half an hour and tell me there's plenty of ozone layer or whatever keeps us from being incinerated. The sun is hot hot and has got hotter. You might as well slather yourself in barbeque sauce when you're sunbathing.
When I was a lad tomato plants didn't grow to seven feet tall. They do now. Corn didn't used to be fifteen feet tall. It is now. That sun blasts down "like a heat lamp gone ape" as the saying goes. The hot sun is nice for solar heating. Stuff grows pretty good. I still work with my shirt off because it is so gosh darn hot. My skin looks like old luggage. Stay out of the sun kids.
When I was a lad tomato plants didn't grow to seven feet tall. They do now. Corn didn't used to be fifteen feet tall. It is now. That sun blasts down "like a heat lamp gone ape" as the saying goes. The hot sun is nice for solar heating. Stuff grows pretty good. I still work with my shirt off because it is so gosh darn hot. My skin looks like old luggage. Stay out of the sun kids.
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