Bachelor tips

     Maximize your health, good looks and comfort and minimize the time spent cleaning your house, doing your laundry, doing the dishes and washing your truck.

House cleaning 101

     First, hack off a huge piece of time by simply dropping your standards. You don’t need the daily routine of Beaver Cleavers’ mom at all if you don’t have anyone come visit you. So get rid of your friends or just don’t invite them over. Of course some will invite themselves but a good trick is get rid of all of your chairs except for the one for yourself. They will soon get tired of standing around and leave and not come back. Your chair should have wheels on it so you can roll it around to wherever you feel like sitting.

     You need to keep your kitchen fairly clean on a regular basis or you will get mold and bugs and disease and this will interfere with your good health. I have found the best way to keep up with the dirty dishes is to throw them all away except for one of each thing.

This way you are never confronted with a sink full of dirty dishes. Doing the dishes with only one plate and one fork and one knife is a snap.

     Next, keep your toilet clean about once a week. Simply pour in about a quart of bleach and swirl this all around with the toilet brush inside and out. Next fill up cups of hot water and splash it directly on the toilet. Then mop the floor. You’re done for the week.

     Next, laundry. Do all your socks and underwear at once. Buy all matching socks so you don’t have to sort them. When they come out of the washer dump them on a flat wire shelf so they will dry. When they are dry, grab them all up together and toss them into wherever you keep that sort of stuff. No need to separate and match anything, no need to hang each individual item on a clothes line or waste money with a dryer.

     Finally, once or twice a year get the push broom, a flat shovel and a big trash can out of the garage and sweep out your house. Of course you know, carpets have no place in a professional bachelors house.

     Don’t forget to wash the truck once a week. Walk around it and spray water on it, starting at the top and working your way down to the wheels. If it takes more than 3 minutes you are doing it wrong.

     Next, reward yourself with a 12 pack of beer, drink it all and then take a nap.